Reassuring Grandad

INT. GRANDAD'S LIVING ROOM

GRANDAD, old, doddery, sits on a comfy armchair. Little TOBY, 9, sits opposite, looking glum.

GRANDAD
And what's the matter with you, young man?

TOBY
It's nothing really, Grandad. We're going on a school trip tomorrow, canoeing, and I've never been before and I'm a bit nervous, that's all.

GRANDAD
Oh, Toby, come here. Your old Grandad'll tell you a story.

Toby sits on Grandad's knee.

GRANDAD (CONT'D)
I knew a boy, very much like you, and he had to do something new and he was a little worried about it. And do you know what happened to him?

TOBY
No.

GRANDAD
Heh heh. Ah, well, he was ... now where was it... there was a boat... and he was... was his name Toby? Well, young Toby, he... did I mention a boat? And there was, oh it was awful, I'd never seen anything like it. Anyway, cut a long story short, there was young Toby, sitting in a pile of his own intestines, thick, black fluid leaking from every hole in his tattered young body, and do you know what he said to me?

TOBY
N-no.

GRANDAD
Shame. Wish I could remember. What were we talking about? Oh, you look worried. Cheer up, it might never happen.

Toby starts to cry. Grandad brings out a paper bag.

GRANDAD (CONT'D)
Would you like a toffee?

SKETCH ENDS.

Edited by Aaron.

It's well written, but it's a tad predictable. We all know he's going to tell a horrible story, so it needs more of a twist.

Not so much a sketch as a converstaion that we've all had with our granparents or similar at some time or another.

Without a change of direction or pace this is always going to struggle IMO.

There is nothing very original, but it is likeable, and a good actor could have a lot of fun with it.

I quite liked it. And I don't really get the 'nothing original' comments. It's funny and observational and quite League Of Gentlemanny.

I'd end it where Grandad says "Shame, wish I could remember." though. It's punchier.

Capitals in thread topics please.

I wasn't sure how original/funny this was, and I'm still not sure. The esteemed Mr Nium is onto something, though, it might need to be shorter.

Does this work better as a quickie?

INT. GRANDAD'S LIVING ROOM

GRANDAD, old, doddery, sits on a comfy armchair. Little TOBY, 9, sits opposite, looking glum.

GRANDAD
And what's the matter with you, young man?

TOBY
It's nothing really, Grandad. We're going on a school trip tomorrow, canoeing, and I've never been before and I'm a bit nervous, that's all.

GRANDAD
Oh, Toby, Toby, Toby. Come here. Your old Grandad'll tell you a story.

Toby sits on Grandad's knee.

GRANDAD (CONT'D)
I knew a boy, very much like you, and he had to do something new and he was a little worried about it. And do you know what happened to him?

TOBY
No.

GRANDAD
He died in a pool of his own filth. Would you like a toffee?

SKETCH ENDS.

well I . But then I was ashemed of myself .

As a critique I dont know what that means to you, but there it is.

Yay, I'd have taken the shame without the laugh. Result!