Secret Agent

Inspired by the umpteenth rejection from agencies

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SC1- AGENT'S OFFICE -DAY

AN AGENT SITS BEHIND A DESK AND A HOPEFUL WRITER IS SITTING IN THE CLIENT'S CHAIR. THE AGENT HANDS THE WRITER A MANUSCRIPT.

AGENT:
I've read your manuscript and it's really rather good.

WRITER:
What? You like it?

AGENT:
Oh yes it's excellent. One of the best things I've read this year.

WRITER:
So you'll take me on then?

AGENT:
Sorry but no. Regrettably my books are full and we have no room for new talent at present. Now if only you had some interest in the project (PAUSE) from say a broadcaster or film producer.

WRITER:
Funny you should say that but I've just had an email from the BBC this morning, looking at possibly optioning this.

AGENT:
Why on Earth didn't you say! My fees are 12% UK and 18% overseas. Welcome aboard dear chap. Who are you speaking to at the Beeb? I'll need to get onto them pronto.

WRITER:
Huh! You've changed your tune haven't you? Now that somebody's done your job for you you're happy enough to have a cut. Is that the way it is?

AGENT:
That's the way it's always been. Why do you think I'm an agent and not a writer?

END

PS
What? What? Bitter and twisted? Me!? Me!? I don't think so! I could get an agent any day I wanted. It's just I don't want one. See?

Aaron/Mark

Can we move this to the 'Counselling' Forum?

I think you should change the end from:

WRITER:
Huh! You've changed your tune haven't you? Now that somebody's done your job for you you're happy enough to have a cut. Is that the way it is?

AGENT:
That's the way it's always been. Why do you think I'm an agent and not a writer?

END

to

WRITER SMASHES AGENT FACE IN. A SMILE SLOWLY CREEPS ONTO HIS FACE.

END

Hope this helps

Dan

Hi Dan

I was going for irony here but I think there's something to be said for your version. Something cathartic and fulfilling. What about:

WRITER PRODUCES THREE STARVED PIT BULLS FROM HIS COAT POCKET AND SAYS:

WRITER:
Din-dins lads! I bet he's enriched with marrowbone jelly

A SMILE SLOWLY CREEPS ONTO THE WRITER'S FACE AS HE EXITS.

Excellent! Just one minor addition:

WRITER:
Din-dins lads! I bet he's enriched with marrowbone jelly. (TO AGENT) They've got rabies, you know? Isn't that nice?

Dan

Yes I think it adds something all right. More depth and character. Excellent

After reading this wonderful double act of a script I gotta say that this has the makings of a really good script of it's own - seriously. Go on guys, give it a go.