Dick head Turpin

SCENE1

A MEGA BUS HAS STOPPED BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, A HIGHWAY MAN IN FULL REGALIA IS HOLDING IT UP.

HIGHWAY MAN

Stand and deliver your money or your life!

BUS DRIVER

You complete numpty, this is a Megabus. It’s full of students, and the unemployed spending a week travelling from London to Edinburgh. We’ve got homeless people living on here; they’ve got no money.

HIGHWAY MAN SLINKS OFF.

BUS PASSENGERS (VARIOUS)

Horse f**ker….Dick Head Turpin…..

SCENE 2

A WALLACE ARNOLD COACH HAS STOPPED BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, A HIGHWAY MAN IN FULL REGALIA IS HOLDING IT UP.

HIGHWAY MAN

Stand and deliver your money or your life!

BUS DRIVER

This is a Wallace Arnold Coach, you pillock. It’s full of old folks who’ve had their pensions stolen by Gordon Brown, they’ve got no money. They’re off for a nice weekend to Clacton, and then jumping off the cliff.

HIGHWAY MAN SLINKS OFF

BUS PASSENGERS (VARIOUS)

Eee you rob dog…throw a Worther’s Original at him….Dick Head Turpin.

SCENE3

A HIGHWAY MAN IN FULL REGALIA IS BEING TAKEN AWAY BY TWO POLICE OFFICERS.

POLICE

You sick monster, I hope they never let you out.

HIGHWAY MAN

They were taking the piss…..I just snapped.

PAN BACK TO SEE A VARIETY CLUB SUNSHINE VAN, IT IS BLOOD STAINED, AND FULL OF BULLET HOLES

Pretty sick, and probably not commercially viable. Might not be to my taste, but I just dont think that this one works. What are we supposed to be laughing at?

Interesting question, I started from the point of view, what would a modern highway man hold up, and why would he fail?

I then moved onto, how buses are synomimous with failure (exploitation by Stage Coach, only used for people who can't afford trains), and thought it was a good way to express it.

The punchline is a tasteless pace change, based on a guy being called stupid all day thinking a collection of people with motor/communication problems were mocking him.

Like a lot of tasteless jokes, it works or fails instantly. Fail in this case.

Bloody hell, thats a long explanation for a rather silly skit!

You're most likely right. Fall to rise and all that.

Yeah I think that this one is destined for the bin.