Favourite Blackadder insult?

What's yours? You could include you favourite Blackadder line in general if it's not an insult.

Mine would be an insult towards Baldrick: "You're the worst entertainer since St Paul the Evangelist toured Palestine with his trampoline act"

Or: "I'd rather spend an evening on top of a stepladder in No Man's Land smoking endless cigarettes through a luminous balaclava"

And one for Aaron:

"We hate the French! We fight wars against them! Did all those men die in vain on the field of Agincourt? Was the man who burnt Joan of Arc simply wasting good matches?"

I think this thread is a good excuse to watch every episode of Blackadder again.

I was gonna say the balaclava one.

Baldrick you f**king c**t

it was edited out

She's not Welsh is she?

Quote: Griff @ June 25 2008, 10:35 PM BST

I'm always fond of We're in the stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick Insect got stuck on a sticky bun.

View original

I'd forgotten that one!

"Ask anyone who they'd like to meet - Squadron Commander Lord Flasheart or the toilet cleaner in Aberdeen and they'd go for Wee Jock Poo Pong McPlop every time".

And I love the bit where Darling is lying, knocked out, over the table in Melchett's office and Melchett just says "Don't slouch, Darling".

I like the one where Blackadder and Baldrick are imprisoned somewhere. I think it might be in Blackadder Goes Fourth.

Anyway, Baldrick is upset and says "I want my mum" to which Blackadder responds with something about how useful it would be to have an enraged baboon/gorilla right now.

Blackadder: You're the worst cook in the entire world. There are amoeba on Saturn who can boil a better egg than
you. Your Filet Mignon in sauce Bernaise look like
dog-turds in glue.

Baldrick: That's because they are.

Blackadder: Your plum-duff tastes like it's a molehill decorated with
rabbit-droppings.

Baldrick: I thought you wouldn't notice.

Blackadder: Your cream custard has the texture of cat's vomit.

Private Baldrick: You know how they say that somewhere there's a bullet with your name on it?

Captain Blackadder: Yes?

Private Baldrick: Well I thought that if I owned the bullet with my name on it, I'll never get hit by it. Cause I'll never shoot myself...

Captain Blackadder: Oh, shame!

Private Baldrick: And the chances of there being *two* bullets with my name on it are very small indeed.

Captain Blackadder: Yes, it's not the only thing that is "very small indeed". Your brain for example - is brain's so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.

'Fortune vomits on my eiderdown once again'

"I've a horrid suspicion that Baldrick's plan will be the stupidest thing we've heard since Lord Nelson's famous signal at the Battle of the Nile: "England knows Lady Hamilton's a virgin, poke my eye out and cut off my arm if I'm wrong".

Excellent thread! The script book has a couple of pages dedicated to the best insults - an excellent read!

Blackadder: Percy. You are dismissed from my service.

Percy: Me? Why my lord?

Blackadder: Why? Because, Percy, far from being a fit consort for a Prince of the Realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot. You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would. Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly and the part of you that can't be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the Court, wouln't be worth mentioning even if it could be. If you put on a floppy hat and a funny codpiece, you might just get by as a fool, but since you wouldn't know a joke if it got up and gave you a haircut, I doubt it. That's is why you're dismissed.

Percy: Oh, I see.

Blackadder: And as for you Baldrick.

Baldrick: Yes.

Blackadder: You're out, too.

Baldrick: Fair enough.

Quote: Tuumble @ June 26 2008, 8:26 AM BST

Private Baldrick: You know how they say that somewhere there's a bullet with your name on it?

Captain Blackadder: Yes?

Private Baldrick: Well I thought that if I owned the bullet with my name on it, I'll never get hit by it. Cause I'll never shoot myself...

Captain Blackadder: Oh, shame!

Private Baldrick: And the chances of there being *two* bullets with my name on it are very small indeed.

Captain Blackadder: Yes, it's not the only thing that is "very small indeed". Your brain for example - is brain's so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.

View original

I was going to say this exchange myself Great stuff

One of my favourites is Prince George insulting Blackadder when he calls him 'Mr thicky Black thicky Adder thicky'.

... and Bladder