British Comedy Guide

Broken Britain

So it starts.

Today the dinner I brought last week was 93p dearer.
People are starting to panic & filling their cars up. I was standing in a queue a few moments ago. All the customers infront £65, £50 £75 Charley £5. I would like to say I was embarrased but I am not.

If the petrol all goes, f**k it. Last time I filled my car up to bursting it broke down. So £60 just sat there for 4 weeks, gloating at me.

So are we fixable?
Can we stop the kids from killing each other & the food from going up & the petrol from running out. Do we have to go back to mittens, candles & scarves rather than leccy & gas. Are we going to die? Are we going to freeze, starve & die?

Well let's make the most of it. Who's for a dry cracker & a glass of 3 drops of water?

Quote: Charley @ June 23 2008, 10:29 PM BST

So it starts.

?!!?!

Quote: Charley @ June 23 2008, 10:29 PM BST

Well let's make the most of it. Who's for a dry cracker & a glass of 3 drops of water?

I would have thought that you'd ask who was up for a f**k.

Quote: Aaron @ June 23 2008, 10:35 PM BST

?!!?!

I would have thought that you'd ask who was up for a f**k.

I cant afford the soap to make my min smell nice!
Nor can I afford the washing powder to make the sheets clean. My bed is like a web now. Once in it, you are stuck.
And I smell of old ladies.

Quote: Charley @ June 23 2008, 10:36 PM BST

I cant afford the soap to make my min smell nice!

Is there enough in the world? Maybe they should be allowed to kill a few whales.

Quote: David Chapman @ June 23 2008, 10:39 PM BST

Is there enough in the world? Maybe they should be allowed to kill a few whales.

Oiiiiiiii! There will be no whale deaths fankoo.
Let me turn you upside down Dave & use all that hair as a flannel.

So it ends

Don't worry about the petrol. It's like toothpaste. There's always a bit left in the tube.

I cut my toothpaste tube in half & lick out the corners. Who needs to brush. My nana used to say, bad breath is better than no breath.

Then she died & proved it.

Don't do it with petrol.

Teehee!

Why not. I will go faster. Its like more expensive speed.
There will be kids on street corners. "Oi mate wanna buy some petrol, Mmmm look petrol"

Without fossil fuels the planet could support only a quarter of its current population. Peak production of oil has passed, and demand is increasing. Prices have nowhere to go but up. A telling story in the newspaper at the weekend was that demand for organic produce is on the increase because the price differential with supermarket produce is falling, as a result of the increase in the cost of fertilisers (manufactured from natural gas) and of the supermarket centralised distribution systems. Our economic system is unsustainable and the question is how quickly it will collapse. There are worrying signs that the collapse has begun and that it could soon spiral out of control. This is much more than just another recession.

And all the time we are degrading our environment and heating up our atmosphere, meaning that when the crash comes we will have even less resources to live on. And the rose-tinted argument of the economists, that we do not need to worry because the laws of supply and demand will ensure that markets provide a new energy source to replace fossil fuels, simply ignores the laws of physics.

Any animal, when they encounter a new resource, will expand to plague proportions until that resource has been exhausted, populations will then stabilise at a reduced level in a degraded environment. This was the cycle that began when humans learnt to unlock the stored sunlight in fossil fuels, and the consequence has always been inevitable.

Sorry to go all gloomy and survivalist, but it is time to be very scared. Or to say it f**k it and have a party while you still can.

Quote: Timbo @ June 23 2008, 10:52 PM BST

Or to say it f**k it and have a party while you still can.

That sounds good to me and the only thing I have any power to control :)

Yeyyy. A party with no food, no music, no way of getting there. :D

Quote: Timbo @ June 23 2008, 10:52 PM BST

Without fossil fuels the planet could support only a quarter of its current population.

Well there are too many people - especially chavs.

And the un-dead, eh Dave?

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