School.

A HEADMASTER CALLS A PUPIL IN

HEAD

Smith you snivelling wretch, do you know why I've called you into my office?

SMITH

No headmaster, is it to congratulate me on passing my GCSEs?

HEAD

You insolent sod, you're just making it worse for yourself.

SMITH

I beg your pardon sir?

HEAD

Robert Mugabe inner city Academy, for those what can't read, has a proud history. We top all the league tables, stabbings, teen pregnancies, and of course Academic failure. We were going to get a million quid from Edd Balls, for having a 100% GCSE failure rate. Except, you., you little smart arse had to go and get 5 c grade passes. Oh the shame.

SMITH

You're a monster sir.

HEAD

A monster am I? I was so proud when Channel 4 did a documentary on that class with 3 generations of slappers in the same class room. And we need the money, we're being sued. Turns out suicide vests are acceptable clothes, along with Burqas. Little Osama is taking us to the cleaners.

SMITH

That's it I've got a place at the grammar, I'm out of here, you should be ashamed.

STORMS OFF

HEAD

Stupid bastard, Edd Balls is integrating us with the grammar. By the time we're finished with them, they'll be sicker than Kelsey Grammar.

I liked this. I think it's a great idea to have the successful kid in trouble for threatening the funding. The punchline didn't really work for me, it felt rather contrived, but otherwise I could see this working well.

As did your royal photos sketch at Treason tonight, by the way, despite the tiny audience and dodgy microphones in the new Brighton venue.

Good sketch. If it were me, I would change the school name, get rid of the mugabe reference as it has no place in this sketch and only served as a distraction for me as I was reading. Likewise with the Osama boy reference, not needed.

Finally I would change the last line, getting rid of the Kelsey Grammer reference (far too clunky and contrived) and just have it as:

HEAD

Stupid bastard, Edd Balls is integrating us with the grammar. By the time we're finished with them, they'll be chavvier than a Big Brother wannabe.

Just personal thoughts to an otherwise funny sketch

Thanks probably right, I just like Robert Mugabe as a name given by liberal councils to schools etc.

Thanks Joel

You have a thing about Mugabe don't you. Fair enough.
Very amusing.

He's like the anti Nelson Mandela.

The Anti-Nellie.

Doesn't work as well as Anti-Santa.

[quote name="sootyj" post="187122" date="June 20 2008, 7:28 PM BST"]A HEADMASTER CALLS A PUPIL IN

HEAD

Smith you snivelling wretch, do you know why I've called you into my office?

SMITH

No headmaster, is it to congratulate me on passing my GCSEs?

HEAD

You insolent sod, you're just making it worse for yourself.

SMITH

I beg your pardon sir?

HEAD

Tony Blair inner city Academy, for those what can't read, has a proud history. We top all the league tables, stabbings, teen pregnancies, and of course Academic failure. We were going to get a million quid from Edd Balls, for having a 100% GCSE failure rate. Except, you., you little smart arse had to go and get 5 c grade passes. Oh the shame.

SMITH

You're a monster sir.

HEAD

A monster am I? I was so proud when Channel 4 did a documentary on that class with 3 generations of slappers in the same class room. And we need the money, we're being sued. Turns out suicide vests are acceptable school uniform.
SMITH

That's it I've got a place at the grammar, I'm out of here, you should be ashamed.

STORMS OFF

HEAD

Stupid bastard, Edd Balls is integrating us with the grammar. They'll be going down hill faster than John Prescott chasing a pie.

Nice edit For me it works much better, hope you think so too.

Thanks

By the way, loved the John Prescott line, funnier than my chav/big brother reference, although again, I thought that line had more in common with the content of the sketch.

Punchlines offer differ from rest of skit, it gives it more of a sense of conclusion, a very funny skit, can be scuppered by the audience not realy knowing it's ended.