MOQ

A MAN HAS JUST DROPPED HIS CAR OFF AT A GARAGE.HE IS TALKING TO A MECHANIC

MAN

So you'll take good care of her, bloody MOTS.

MECHANIC

We'll do our best, now could you come through here.

THEY ENTER AN OFFICE AND SIT ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF A DESK

MECHANIC

Now Mr Jones, it's time for your MOQ.

MAN

MOQ, whats that?

MECHANIC

Oh new thing from the gouvernment, we check out how serviceable your life is, Ministry of Quality of Life. Every one has one, it's an MOT for people.

MAN

That's ridiculous, I won't its.....

MECHANIC

It's the law sir. Now you've been eating a lot of junk food haven't you? Your gaseous emissions are 23% higher than EU acceptable limits.

MAN

This is foolishness, why you're just like a....

MECHANIC

I'm sorry sir, you really shouldn't make that joke. Your sense of humour is already a source of social pollution.

MAN

Oh dear God, this is really happening, how bad is it.

MECHANIC

Your dress sense hasn't been updated since the 70s, according to your wife your genitalia is not fit for purpose, and your body odour is beyond being fitted with a catalytic converter. You've failed your MOQ.

MAN

Oh crikey, what happens now?

MECHANIC

Well like a car, we can always sell the spare parts.

A COUPLE OF BLOOD STAINED ORDERLIES DRAG THE SOBBING MAN AWAY.

A MAN WALKS IN WITH WHAT ARE OBVIOUSLY WOMEN'S LEGS.

MECHANIC

Sorry Mr Smith, it would appear you're a cut and shut.

I failed my MOQ years ago.

Nice punchline.

I think most on this site have. I doubt you'd get much for my parts.

Not bad Sootyj. For some reason I felt that this would be improved with the mechanic actually ignoring the mans comments, instead he says all of his lines to a trainee mechanic he is tutoring.

Quote: sootyj @ June 17 2008, 3:46 PM BST

I think most on this site have. I doubt you'd get much for my parts.

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I take great offence at that. I passed my MOQ with flying aonsnoidnsokagmposniopnmowm-29u9jemonsdoinvb89djb

Sorry, brain broke down there, what was I saying?

Good sketch btw

Thankee kindly, hmm Sofa you could be right.

Would make it a bit longer, but like the idea.

Quote: Sofa_Matt @ June 17 2008, 3:50 PM BST

Not bad Sootyj. For some reason I felt that this would be improved with the mechanic actually ignoring the mans comments, instead he says all of his lines to a trainee mechanic he is tutoring.

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Yes, this. Discussing him as if he isn't there would be a good idea. Perhaps leave out the bit about the quality of life, just assume he's there for an MOT as if it's perfectly normal? might not work.

Quote: sootyj @ June 17 2008, 4:11 PM BST

Would make it a bit longer, but like the idea.

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To be honest, I think this is a sketch that would benefit from being opened out. The idea has comic potential, milk it.

Ooh, another excellent idea. Some of the dialogue was a little rough but you're popping these out faster than a teenager on the housing list.

Sharper?

Quote: sootyj @ June 17 2008, 3:43 PM BST

A MAN HAS JUST DROPPED HIS CAR OFF AT A GARAGE.HE IS TALKING TO A MECHANIC

MAN

So you'll take good care of her, bloody MOTS.

MECHANIC

We'll do our best, now could you stand there.

MAN

Ok. What the hell!

HE IS WHISKED UP IN THE AIR ON A RAMP, THE MECHANIC'S ASSITANT JIM HAVING CAREFULLY SNIPPED THE GUYS CLOTHES OFF WITH A BIG PAIR OF SHEARS.

MECHANIC

It's time for Mr Jone's MOQ, an annual Quality of Life checkup. I'll tlak you through it Jim.

MAN

That's ridiculous, I won't its.....

JIM

Righto chief, coo look at his back end.

MECHANIC

He's been eating a lot of junk food. His gaseous emissions are 23% higher than EU acceptable limits.

MAN

You're not a mechanic, you're a mecha-nazi

JIM

Cor what a terrible sense of humour.

MECHANIC

Sense of humour is clapped out. It's a dangerous source of antisocial pollution.

MAN

Oh dear God, this is really .....

JIM

And his big ends gone.

MECHANIC

Tcchh... dress sense hasn't been updated since the 70s, wife says genitalia not fit for purpose, he's failed his MOQ.

MAN

Oh crikey,

JIM

What happens now?

MECHANIC

Well like a car, we can always sell the spare parts.

A COUPLE OF BLOOD STAINED ORDERLIES DRAG THE SOBBING MAN AWAY, AFTER THE PLATFROM LOWERS

A MAN WALKS IN WITH WHAT ARE OBVIOUSLY WOMEN'S LEGS.

MECHANIC

Sorry Mr Smith, it would appear you're a cut and shut.

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