Hunters

BOB A FLASH GIT IS TAKING SHEL TO A CHINESE FOR DINNER

BOB

Right I'll have the Capital Ribs, with the special fried rice. And none of the chef's special sauce in the rice, know what I mean garcon?

SHEL

Bob!

WAITER

Yes sir Capital ribs, and special fried rice for you, and kung pow chicken for the lady.

WAITER LEAVES

SHEL

Oh Bob, you're so embarrassing.

BOB

Well you made me come here. You know these Chinese it's all cat meat, not Chow Mein, more Meow Mein.

SHEL

Bob shut up.

BOB

Why ? All CHinky chefs are out there in the streets. Kipper on a fishing line, and a baseball bat, to finish Tiddles off, cat hunting. Unless the Indians get TIddles first.

SHEL

Bob, will you look behind you.

THE MANAGER MR WONG IS STANDING BEHIND BOB

WONG

I see sir, so you think we Chinese restauranters hunt cats?

BOB

LookI'm sorry mate, I was just having a laugh.

WONG

My father died in the Cultural revoloution. The Red guard tortured him for a week, for reading Classical English Literature. His last words were.
"My son goto England, the land of Shakespeare. They are a noble, and just people. But their food is terrible, cook for them and learn their ways,"
then he died, and I swore to make his words true. Even if it took me 5 hard years too reach this country,

BOB

I didn't know, I'm so sorry.

SHEL IS NOW CRYING

Oh that's such a sad story, Bob you are such a numpty."

BOB

Oh if he could see me now, in my restaurant. Accused of hunting down cats with kippers and baseball bats. He'd die all over again.

SUDDENLY TWO WAITERS COME IN DRAGGING A DEAD TRAMP, ONE HAS A BASEBALL BAT, THE OTHER A CAN OF STRONG LAGER ON A FISHING LINE.

WONG

Not infront of the customers, round the back.

That was quite a good punchline. I'm just not quite sure why it's a tramp, not a cat. Unless this is Sweeney Todd's restourant....

Oh! I get it now. Very funny!

Sorry sootyj, can't see the waiters bringing the tramp through the front door during restaurant hours so it dies a death for me.
Shame 'cos up to that point I thought it was rather more subtle and better written than a lot of your stuff.
Also, you've written 'BOB' for a 'WONG' line: "Oh if he could see me now, in my restaurant. Accused of hunting down cats with kippers and baseball bats. He'd die all over again."

All the best.

Well, yes, I suppose there is the issue of "Are they that dumb?" Maybe it could be seen out of a window, perhaps not actually seen by Bob, just the viewer?

Maybe they fall out of the kitchen? will reedit.

BOB A FLASH GIT IS TAKING SHEL TO A CHINESE FOR DINNER

BOB

Right I'll have the Capital Ribs, with the special fried rice. And none of the chef's special sauce in the rice, know what I mean garcon?

SHEL

Bob!

WAITER

Yes sir Capital ribs, and special fried rice for you, and kung pow chicken for the lady.

WAITER LEAVES

SHEL

Oh Bob, you're so embarrassing.

BOB

Well you made me come here. You know these Chinese it's all cat meat, not Chow Mein, more Meow Mein.

SHEL

Bob shut up.

BOB

Why ? All CHinky chefs are out there in the streets. Kipper on a fishing line, and a baseball bat, to finish Tiddles off, cat hunting. Unless the Indians get TIddles first.

SHEL

Bob, will you look behind you.

THE MANAGER MR WONG IS STANDING BEHIND BOB

WONG

I see sir, so you think we Chinese restauranters hunt cats?

BOB

LookI'm sorry mate, I was just having a laugh.

WONG

My father died in the Cultural revoloution. The Red guard tortured him for a week, for reading Classical English Literature. His last words were.
"My son goto England, the land of Shakespeare. They are a noble, and just people. But their food is terrible, cook for them and learn their ways,"
then he died, and I swore to make his words true. Even if it took me 5 hard years too reach this country,

BOB

I didn't know, I'm so sorry.

SHEL IS NOW CRYING

Oh that's such a sad story, Bob you are such a numpty."

WONG

Oh if he could see me now, in my restaurant. Accused of hunting down cats with kippers and baseball bats. He'd die all over again.

SUDDENLY A TRAMP RUNS OUT OF THE KITCHEN GRASPING A CAN OF LAGER. IT IS CONNECTED TO A FISHING ROD HELD BY A CHEF, THE OTHER CHEF CATCHES UPTO THE TRAMP AND SMACKS HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH A BASEBALL BAT. THE TWO CHEFS DRAG THE TWITCHING BODY BACK INTO THE KITCHEN.

WONG

Oops, how about some complimentary prawn crackers?

Good idea! Like, "Whoops, table three's order is going to be a bit longer!"

Quote: sootyj @ June 13 2008, 6:26 PM BST

BOB

Oh if he could see me now, in my restaurant. Accused of hunting down cats with kippers and baseball bats. He'd die all over again.

SUDDENLY A TRAMP RUNS OUT OF THE KITCHEN GRASPING A CAN OF LAGER. IT IS CONNECTED TO A FISHING ROD HELD BY A CHEF, THE OTHER CHEF CATCHES UPTO THE TRAMP AND SMACKS HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH A BASEBALL BAT. THE TWO CHEFS DRAG THE TWITCHING BODY BACK INTO THE KITCHEN.

WONG

Oops, how about some complimentary prawn crackers?

View original

Nope. A nice go at softening the impact with the last line but still too in yer face public imo.

Also, trivially, BOB is again saying WONG's line.

How do you mean? n.b. no attempt to soften the problem, rather taken on aboard advice about making it more logical about them sneaking tramps around the kitchens.

I felt it needed a Monty Python out of place, dirty fork style punchline.

I've gotta say I like this skit, but then thats my own fallible view.

Mate, totally understand what you're trying for and fully appreciate it however I think it loses its effect due to being too openly graphic.
IMO it needs to be seen but from afar (in the background) so that attempts can be obviously made to conceal the goings on.
If you get what I mean.

You could try it with a dead Dolphin I suppose.

Aah now that's an interesting twist, building into a runner.

Could add monkeys, blue whales, the monkees......

I think this edit is better.

BOB A FLASH GIT IS TAKING SHEL TO A CHINESE FOR DINNER

BOB

Right I'll have the Capital Ribs, with the special fried rice. And none of the chef's special sauce in the rice. Know what I mean garcon?

SHEL

Bob!

WAITER

Yes sir Capital ribs, and special fried rice for you. Kung pow chicken for the lady.

WAITER LEAVES

SHEL

Oh Bob, you're so rude.

BOB

Well you made me come here. You know these Chinese it's all cat meat, not Chow Mein,. Meow Mein more like.

SHEL

Bob shut up.

BOB

Why ? All Chinky chefs, are pussy snatchers. Unless the Indians get TIddles first.

SHEL

Bob, will you look behind you.

THE MANAGER MR WONG IS STANDING BEHIND BOB

WONG

I see sir, so you think we Chinese restaurateurs hunt cats?

BOB

Look I'm sorry mate, I was just having a laugh.

WONG

My father died in the Cultural revoloution. The Red guard tortured him for a week, for reading Classical English Literature. His last words were.
"My son goto England, the land of Shakespeare. They are a noble, and just people. But their food is terrible, cook for them and learn their ways,"
then he died, and I swore to make his words true. Even if it took me 5 hard years too reach this country,

BOB

I didn't know, I'm so sorry.

SHEL IS NOW CRYING

Oh that's such a sad story, Bob you are such a numpty.

WONG

Oh if he could see me now, in my restaurant. Accused of hunting cats, I suppose you think we've never heard of Coscos. He'd die all over again.

THE WAITER BRINGS THE FOOD, THEY EAT SHAME FACEDLY. SHEL CHOKES ON SOMETHING AND PULLS OUT A BEARD FROM HER FOOD, BOB PULLS OUT HALF A TENNANTS CAN, AND A HAND ROLLED CIGARETTE.

SUDDENLY A TRAMP RUNS OUT THE KITCHEN PURSUED BY A CHEF WAVING A CLEAVER.

WONG

Oops, how about some complimentary prawn crackers?

liked it. prefer the second one though with the tramp and the fishing rod.