Welcome to the fourth edition of ‘Meet the Writers.’ This week’s interviewee is Lee Henman, better known to the BCG as Perry Nium.
Lee’s list of broadcast credits include Hale and Pace, Smith And Jones, News Huddlines, Rob Rouse's 'Comedy Shuffle', Paramount Comedy's 'Stuff', Comedy Cuts on Capital Radio and most recently Scallywagga.
Hi, Lee. When I first asked you to consider a Meet the Writers interview you told me you were worried about coming across as smug and conceited. Is that because you think you're better than us?
No! My God, no of course not! No. No way. No siree. No siree Bob. "Me better than you?" Hah, no. No, no, no, no, no.
No.
Well, yes.
I understand you don't live in London. That's peculiar - tell us about that.
I have mixed feelings about London. I used to be one of those annoying Northern arseholes who'd berate anyone South of Manchester as "Soft Southern Shites". But I've been in the capital quite a bit recently and I'm starting to realise what a fantastic, exciting and vibrant place it can be. I was in Covent Garden a few weeks ago and the market was on, and I was rifling through a basket of old eighties albums while a juggler was flinging flaming batons about not ten feet away from me. Then a group of young blokes started breakdancing and I thought "this is brilliant". But then a girl bumped into me and I apologized, but she just looked me up and down and made that spitting between your teeth sound. And that reminded me why I couldn't live there. Northerners really are more friendly.
From a writing point of view I suppose it would be handy. My agent is based in London and it'd be lovely to just pop over for a chat. I think ideally I'd like to live on the outskirts so I was close to all the action and of course the TV companies, but we'll have to wait and see how my "career" pans out. For now I'm happy where I am.
Interesting you bring up juggling. You mention elsewhere that you’re a breeder. How do you ‘juggle’ the demands of writing with the soul crushing responsibility of rearing a miniature human?
Well he's six years old now so legally allowed to work in Taiwan, so for 8 months of the year we pack him off to a sweatshop in Taipei where he writes DVD player manuals.
I jest of course! It's actually 11 months.
Any chance Lee Junior can get me a multi-region crack for a Philips DVP S100?
You say your day job is writing messages in greeting cards. Is that a regular wage or are you paid by the wisecrack?
Well when I first started doing it 10 years ago, I was paid per idea bought. But then a few years ago the company that I was doing most business with selected an "A Team" of regular contributors and put us on an exclusivity contract, which basically means we're not allowed to write for any other card companies. But in return they give us a basic wage/bonus package etc.
It's a weird way to make a living, writing birthday cards - but then writing anything is weird way to make a living isn't it? TV's where my real heart lies though.
I’ve been looking for a place to submit this greeting card message:
Cover:
"The grim reaper slides another obsidian bead along the abacus of your mortality."
Inside:
"Happy Birthday!"
Care to share any of your own gems with us?
I like that. You could have it as one of those electronic "noisy" cards, so that when you open it there's the sound of ravens and an ominous bell tolling against a bleak howling wind.
I think the card I was most surprised made it onto WH Smith's shelves was my heart warming Valentine ode:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm no good at poems
Fancy a shag?
Well, I’m wet.
You’re a musician who also makes his own comedy videos. Is it enough for a writer just to write these days?
Yeah, of course. Most writers are just writers and get on fine without fannying about making up daft songs and YouTube vids.
But if you can put your comedy out there on the web for producers to click on, it can be a great tool for getting your name remembered. I sent some YouTube stuff to Shane Allen, the commissioner at Channel 4 and he set up a meeting with Hat Trick which led to us developing a sketch show. So yeah, if you can do it, do it!
You say that as well as developing a sketch show at Hat Trick and having several projects on the go with Baby Cow, you have a sitcom at the commissioning stage with the BBC. Care to tell us a little about that?
Well, without giving too much away, it's an audience-based sitcom set on a Northern Industrial Estate. Audience comedies have very much swung back into fashion of late, which is a good thing in my opinion.
What I wanted to write was a sitcom where we actually like the characters, in the same way as Only Fools. I also wanted to get away from squirm comedy. I bloody hate being embarrassed, in fact I physically have to get up and leave the room when I'm watching something like Nighty Night or Extras, because some of the scenes are just so damn uncomfortable. Obviously that's a testament to the skilled writing, but I truly believe it's time to revisit "Ha ha" comedy as opposed to "Oh no!" comedy.
So this sitcom is totally anti-that. The characters are warm and loveable and it's aspirational, not in the sense that they all live in huge apartments and have great jobs, but aspirational in the sense that these people are rich in friendship and family. At the end of the day that's what we all strive for, isn't it? A happy homelife?
I've just read that back and it sounds like it's The Good Life. It's not. But you won't come out of the end of an episode feeling depressed and bitter about the evils of human nature. The idea is you'll feel like you've just spent half an hour with some funny mates.
I’m sold.
One last question: who would you kill with one guilt-free mini gun?
F**king Hell, I'm only allowed one? Couldn't I queue a few people up and take them all out?
Okay, I'm going to plumb for Andi Peters.
No, hold on I've changed my mind. That mouthy bullying cow on Big Brother. Holy shit that girl needs a good slap. Plus she looks like that girl who was rude to me in Covent Garden. Yes. Pass me the mini gun.
Last week’s ‘Meet the Writers’ was with Mark Peirson
