INT. NEWS STUDIO.
NEWSREADER
... no survivors are reported.
And these once again are the headlines:
The European Union's trade war with the United States stepped up a gear when President Bush launched a pre-emptive nuclear strike against Paris. The Prime Minister, Mr. Gordon Brown, has sent a strongly worded memo.
The sudden rise in the level of the North Sea has left much of eastern England submerged under several metres of water. The Thames Barrier is expected to hold, but Londoners are being advised to head for higher ground. RAF Sea King helicopters will in the morning resume the search for Lincolnshire, but hope is fading tonight for its two million inhabitants.
Government scientists today confirmed rumours that the epidemic currently sweeping the island of Anglesey is a hitherto unknown form bubonic plague. Current estimates suggest that unless a cure can be found, this new strain of the Black Death will sweep across the whole of Europe in under a month, wiping out as much as two thirds of the population.
Following a mid-air collision with the Space Shuttle, a Boeing 747 crash landed early this morning in California, turning much of downtown Los Angeles into a raging fireball. Sources on the spot are saying that the State emergency services, already stretched by the San Francisco earthquake, are struggling to cope.
On the second day of the state visit to Papua New Guinea, Her Majesty the Queen and Prince Philip met with chieftains of a newly discovered highland tribe. After a traditional greeting ceremony, their Royal Highnesses were casseroled over a low flame and served with yams and breadfruit. The Papuan Prime Minister has described the incident as 'regrettable'.
Mass suicides, riots, rapes and looting are being reported across the globe tonight, following astronomers predictions that a comet twice the size of Pluto is on a collision course with the Earth. In an exclusive interview with ITN earlier in this programme, Nobel Prize winning physicist Stephen Hawking commented, "We're going to die. Oh f**k, we're all going to die."
And finally on a lighter note, Fluffy the kitten was today reunited with her owner after spending the whole of last night in a tall tree. Fluffy, who suffers from mild vertigo, is said to be none the worse for her ordeal.
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