Favour

GORDON BROWN IS TALKING TO ALISTAIR DARLING.

ALISTAIR

Gordon relying on the Ulster Unionists to support 42 days detention. Isn't that going to leave us owing a bunch of right wing, nationalists a big favour?

GORDON

Not at all. Now we need to recall the SAS from Afghanistan for operation kick Jerry Adams up the bum, and has Ian Paisley been minister of shouting yet?

ALISTAIR

Gordon this is just what I was worried about.

GORDON

Stuff, and nonsense, now put your hat on.

THEY PUT ON BOWLER HATS

And march.

THEY MARCH OFF TO TYPICAL ORANGE ORDER MUSIC.

This is a good one sootyj, love the ending, didn't see it coming. Didnt like the line
"Not at all. Now we need to recall the SAS from Afghanistan for operation kick Jerry Adams up the bum, and has Ian Paisley been minister of shouting yet?"

I dont think that this line works because Ian Paisley would have no wish to be 'minister for shouting'. Find something else that he would make demands for that GB wouldn't have wanted to concede and use that instead IMO.

Could be right, I was looking for a quick recognition thing e.g.
Ulster-Paisley-shouting

originally I was going with bombing Dublin, or free school milk bottles full of petrol.

thought they were both a bit nasty.

How about IP demanding that the house of commons seats are changed from green to orange?

Ah now that's nice, but why settle for humble seats?

the Union in jack in orange, all apples to be called oranges.

i suppose i could tie it in with oranges (fruit) being less popular

Yes, I like the union jack idea, IP wants to change the red in it to orange. (Red being labour's colour of course) Dont be tempted to change the end reveal though that's too good to drop IMO.

Yes, I am not keen on the sketch as a whole, but the pay off is excellent. I would be inclined to just build to this, with Gordon denying he has conceded too much in the build up.

More of a general point than on this sketch, but sooty, some of your work falls short IMO for a couple of reasons.

You have good ideas, but often the dialogue leaves me cold and this is commonly because of the needless, perhaps immature insults thrown in. For example, things like 'the spaz George Bush' 'the chubby bum chaser' 'the blond bitch'. Now, I might have got some of these a bit wrong, but you take the point.

And I'm not someone who minds bad language, but it's about context. Simply throwing playground insults in as part of the dialogue loses any sheen of the scene actually being believable. The people you parody to do not talk in a style even remotely similar to how you write them.

Also, the signposting. For example, anyone with even a passing interest in politics knows that Gordon Brown is leading a labour party that is well to the right of its traditional roots and that Brown's current government is passing through unpopular laws with no thought of whether they are needed. See 42 days detention - police don't want it, security chiefs don't want it, most labour MPs don't want it, but they've forced it through anyway.

So why do your sketches often include lines in the style of 'but who's going to vote for a bunch of right wing loons like us?' And again, that's not one of your actual lines, but it's the sort of thing that my subconcious tells me you use far too much.

As someone else said in another post, you need to be more self-editing. If you come up with 20 ideas a day, instead of writing them all, think which are really good (maybe 2 or 3 - 5 tops I'd have thought) and then spend 8 times as long writing them and making them good, rather than doing a five minute job on each.

Paint a masterpiece, don't just throw Dulux at the wall.

Fair pointm, Hitler was a house painter and no one found him very funny.

Churchill painted landscapes and won the war.