1 KATE MIDDLETON IS TALKING TO THE AUDIENCE.
KATE
Hi I'm Kate, future queen of England, you peasants. My future mummy in law has insisted I get a job.
So I'm helping out in Iraq. Helping to hang those beastly chums of Saddam.
TARIQ AZZIZ IS ESCORTED OFF
There goes one now, not Tariq Azziz, more like Tariq 'ad it.
FX SOUND OF LEVER BEING PULLED FOLLOWED BY BOING, BOUNCING SOUNDS
Ooops wrong rope!
2 KATE MIDDLETON IS ON THE STAGE
KATE
Hi I'm Kate, future queen of England, and you're not. I've got a new job, I'm a forward air controller for the RAF. If thicky Harry can do it, so can I, he's ginger.
ON RADIO
Ok bomber command you should be reaching Soho soon. Hang on it's says bombs Al Quaeda, I thought it said Als' gay bar.
FX SOUND OF EXPLOSION
Oopsy.
3 A MAN IS ON STAGE A DR IS EXAMINING HIS BUM.
DR
We've found whats been giving you all that pain. It's a parasitic growth, that completely useless, and highly annoying, and your stuck with it for life.
KATE APPEARS
KATE
Finally I've got a proper royal job, just like the rest of them.