INT. A PRISON INTERVIEW ROOM.
A SOLICITOR IS WAITING WITH HER CLIENT. A BARRISTER ENTERS.
BARRISTER
Ah, Mrs. Green.
THEY SHAKE HANDS.
BARRISTER
This must be your client.
SHE NODS DISTASTEFULLY IN HIS DIRECTION, AND SEATS HERSELF DOWN.
BARRISTER
Well, I won't give you false hope Mr. Adams, it is going to be difficult to construct a defence in these circumstances. The forensics report is particularly damming, soft tissue and fluids were found at a number of locations throughout your house.
SOLICITOR
But forensics evidence alone...
BARRISTER
Yes, but in this case the soft tissues in question were found wrapped in cling film in the chiller cabinet and labelled in felt marker with use by dates. Or in some cases pickled in malt vinegar and neatly arranged in jars in a cupboard.
THE SOLICITOR AND THE CLIENT SMILE AT ONE ANOTHER.
BARRISTER
And I do not even want to talk about what was in the oven. Dear God, an apple in his mouth!
CLIENT (TO SOLICITOR)
She still hasn't got it, has she?
BARRISTER
I'm sorry?
SOLICITOR
My client is a post-modern serial killer.
BARRISTER
I don't...
CLIENT (EAGERLY EXPLAINING)
The whole killing and dismembering thing is intended to be understood ironically!
BARRISTER (SLAPPING A HAND TO HER FOREHEAD)
Oh, I'm so stupid! I've been thinking of it as a crime scene, when really...
CLIENT
It's an installation!
BARRISTER
My client received a grant from the Lottery Fund for his work.
SOLICITOR
It's so clever. And of course murdering and dismembering real innocent people is what makes it such a powerful statement.
SOLICITOR
As an artist my client refuses to compromise on authenticity.
BARRISTER
Oh, well in that case Mr. Adams there's no problem. Irony is the one defence that never fails.
ENDS.
