I completely forgot to post this. Oops. I did it as a radio script because I couldn't be arsed with all the descriptions for this throwaway sketch.
SPIDERS FROM MARS EPISODE #1
NOTE: Anna has an incredibly annoying, whiny, girly voice throughout.
FX: SCREECH OF CAR TYRES
FX: THUD!
ANNA: Sam! Sam! Are you OK?
SAM: (GROGGY) Uh? What happened? Who are you?
ANNA: It’s me, Anna. I think you must have fallen and hit your head. Let’s get you back in the office.
ATMOS: OFFICE NOISES
ANNA: Sit down Sam and I’ll get you a cuppa.
SAM: Thanks. I should email my girlfriend….where’s my Blackberry?
ANNA: What’s one of those? If you want to email you need your computer there or text her from your mobile.
SAM: Hey, what happened to my computer monitor? It’s supposed to be flat…and why is there such an old calendar on the wall?
GRAMS: EXCITING THEME TUNE MUSIC
SAM: (V.O.) My name is Sam Taylor. I was in a car accident and I woke up in 2003. Am I mad, in a coma or back in time?
ATMOS: OFFICE NOISES
SAM: Anna, this is going to sound odd but I don’t belong here. I’m from the future, 2008. (ASIDE) They’re never going to believe this when I blog it on Facebook.
ANNA: What’s a facebook? Is it like MSN messenger?
SAM: I’ve got to get out of here!
DEAN: (OFF) Sam, you ponce!
SAM: Who’s that?
ANNA: That’s our boss, Dean Hunt. Are you sure you don’t need to go to hospital?
DEAN: Sam, I need you to take a helicopter view of the marketing report. I want you to think outside the box and leverage this potential into a win-win scenario.
SAM: (SLIGHTLY GRUMPY) We don’t do things that way any more, boss.
DEAN: What?
SAM: I mean ‘where I come from’. We need to use Six Sigma methodologies, build a team charter and control the changes to ISO standards.
DEAN: What on Earth are you talking about? Just get it done, you ponce.
OFFICE NOISE ATMOS FADES OUT THEN BACK IN AGAIN TO INDICATE PASSAGE OF TIME
SAM: There you go boss. One in-depth report, including point-by-point action plan, 12 month trend analysis prediction and assessment of how this will affect our key performance indicators. And I didn’t need any of your old-fashioned methods to do it.
DEAN: Hmmmmph!... I suppose there might be something to these poncey new techniques of yours.
ANNA: Well done Sam!
DEAN: Right. Boozer. Your round Sam, you ponce.
GRAMS: EXCITING THEME MUSIC
