Buboes, in my armpits

INT. A DOCTOR'S SURGERY, IN 1348.

THE DOCTOR IS AT HIS DESK, LOOKING AT SOME NOTES. HE PICKS UP A BULLHORN.

DOCTOR

Jack the Carter to Surgery Four please.

JACK ENTERS. HIS SKIN IS COVERED IN DARK BLOTCHES.

DOCTOR

And how are we today?

JACK

Not so good, really. It's these buboes, in my armpits.

DOCTOR

Let's take a look. Oh, yes, those are nasty.

JACK

I've got them in my groin as well.

DOCTOR

Hmm, yes. I have been seeing a lot of these lately. There's something going round. I shouldn't worry about it.

JACK

Only I was a bit concerned because a colleague at work had the same thing.

DOCTOR (NOT INTERESTED)

Oh, yes?

JACK

And he died...

DOCTOR

Say "ah".

JACK

"ah" ...a couple of days later. And his wife. And all his family. And his neighbours. And the bloke who delivers the milk...

DOCTOR

Yes, it can be quite difficult to shake off. Take plenty of rest, and paint a red cross on your front door. Here, I'll write you out a scrip.

THE DOCTOR SCRIBBLES SOMETHING ON A PAD AND TEARS OFF A SHEET.

DOCTOR

There you go, shinbone of St. Earconwald. Rub it on the infected parts three times a day. And if there is no improvement in three days...

PAUSE.

JACK

Come back and see you again?

DOCTOR

Hmm? Oh, yes.

JACK TURNS TO LEAVE, THEN HAS A FURTHER THOUGHT.

JACK

Should I make an appointment with the receptionist?

THE DOCTOR LOOKS AT HIM OVER HIS READING GLASSES.

DOCTOR

I shouldn't bother.

END.

Yeah it's okay but I doubt most people are going to get the bubonic plague reference to the "buboes". "Buboe" is a great comedy word but I really doubt most people will know its' meaning unless they're ultra-familiar with 12th century maladies.

Plus I think it'd be better set in the modern day. A guy going into a modern doctor's surgery complaining of the Black Death is much funnier than setting it in the 1300s I think.

Just a thought.

Thanks for commenting. I did think of going with a modern twist, but then figured there was maybe more comic mileage in going down the anachronism route. But I am a medievalist, so perhaps this is one of those sketches that amuses me more than it does other people.

Hey no sweat, I've written shitloads of stuff that only I find funny.