British Comedy Guide

Dating Agency

BEST FRIEND: C’mon, I’m more experienced at this, than you. Let me see it.

CARRIE: It’s too late. I’ve already sent a copy to the dating agency. Well. . . . Alright then, tell me what you think. Hee hee!

F/X: paper being leafed over.

BEST FRIEND: Hmmm, a little indiscrete in places.

CARRIE : What do you mean?

BEST FRIEND: Well, under ‘Looking-for-in-partner’ you’ve put: Must be good-looking. Definitely no baldies and absolutely no fat bastards.

CARRIE : Well, it shows I have a sense of humour.

BEST FRIEND: Oh! You can’t be serious?!?

CARRIE: What?

BEST FRIEND: Do you like animals? You’ve put: Yes, especially when served on a plate with two veg, potatoes and pudding.

CARRIE : Well, what a question to ask. Everybody knows we’re a nation of animal lovers.

BEST FRIEND: Yes, but what kind of weirdo is going to reply to that? And what’s this photograph of George Clooney doing here?

CARRIE: Oh, that’s a photo my date sent me.

BEST FRIEND: Which means he’ll be short, fat, bald, and have a huge pot belly. . . .

F/X: knocking at door

CARRIE: That’ll be him. So come on, shoo!

F/X: door opening

GEORGE: (SEEN FROM BACK) Hi, You’re expecting me, I’m George.

BEST FRIEND: But ...but ...corrrr!!

CARRIE : Hi, that’s my friend and she’s just leaving. Aren’t you?

BEST FRIEND: ....corrrr!!

GEORGE: Mmmm.... I smell cooking. What is it that?

CARRIE : Poodle.

GEORGE: What?

CARRIE : With Peas!

GEORGE: Poodle and peas? You can’t be serious!

CARRIE: And potatoes!

GEORGE: Poodle, peas and potatoes?!?

CARRIE : And pudding too!

GEORGE: Did I hear right? Poodle, peas, potatoes and pudding?

CARRIE : (LOW) Ermm. . . . er . . . yes.

GEORGE: Mmmm.... now you’re talking. Lead me to it.

BEST FRIEND: Corrr!! . . .

CARRIE: (SHOVES BEST FRIEND OUT OF DOOR) Goodbye then.

(beat)

BEST FRIEND: (OUTSIDE CORIDOR) Corrr!! . . .

(BEAT)

Here puss! Here puss, puss, puss.

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