INT. A CONVENT. THERE IS A CURTAINED CONFESSIONAL BOX.
A YOUNG NUN STEPS OUT OF THE BOX, AND SMOOTHES DOWN HER HABIT.
NUN
Thank you, Father.
THE PRIEST POKES HIS HEAD ROUND THE CURTAIN, ON THE SAME SIDE THE NUN CAME OUT. HE IS QUITE A YOUNG MAN, MOP HAIRED AND UNSHAVEN. HIS ACCENT SHOWS HIM TO BE AUSTRALIAN.
PRIEST (WITH A BIG WINK)
And don't do it again.
MOTHER SUPERIOR (ENTERING)
Ah, Father, I've caught you! I wonder if I might have a word?
PRIEST
Sure can do.
THE PRIEST EMERGES FROM THE CONFESSIONAL, ADJUSTING HIS CASSOCK.
MOTHER SUPERIOR (TO THE NUN) You can run along now, sister.
THE SISTER CURTSIES, WITH A SLIGHTLY PAINED EXPRESSION, BEFORE TURNING AND LEAVING.
MOTHER SUPERIOR
Father, er, Dirk. How long have you been with us as father confessor here at St. Hilda's?
PRIEST
Oh, that'd be about a month, give or take.
MOTHER SUPERIOR
You have certainly made an impression in that time. Your methods are very different to those of your predecessor, Father Michael.
PRIEST
That right?
MOTHER SUPERIOR
Yes, for one thing Father Michael did not find it necessary for the holy sisters to sit on his knee when he took their confessions.
PRIEST
Well, don't want to speak ill of the old fossil, but ...
MOTHER SUPERIOR
Father Michael is a very holy man.
PRIEST
You know it. But Mother Church has moved on. Father confessor is a hands on job.
MOTHER SUPERIOR
Yes, I'll come to that in a moment. I am a little concerned at the direction confessionals have been taking. I must say Father Michael put rather less emphasis on uncovering the sisters' impure thoughts.
PRIEST
Convent's rife with them. It's shocking.
MOTHER SUPERIOR
Well, yes, I suppose. But then there is the question of your penances.
PRIEST
Harsh, but fair I'd say.
MOTHER SUPERIOR
Perhaps, but I don't recall Father Michael relying quite so much on over-the-knee spanking. Poor Sister Francesca hasn't sat down in a week.
PRIEST
Sister Francesca's thoughts were particularly impure. Downright kinky really.
MOTHER SUPERIOR
Well, I suppose you know your business best, but I don't know what Father Michael would have said. Good day, Father.
SHE TURNS TO LEAVE.
PRIEST
Oh, Mother Superior, it's been a while since I saw you in the confessional box.
THE PRIEST SITS HIMSELF DOWN IN THE CONFESSIONAL AND PATS HIS KNEE.
MOTHER SUPERIOR
Ah, yes, it has, hasn't it?
SHE SITS ON THE PRIEST'S KNEE.
MOTHER SUPERIOR
Such a shame about Father Michael, but we really had no choice but to let him go after that incident with the boys' choir.
THE PRIEST PULLS THE CURTAIN ACROSS.
END.