Quote: Chris Forshaw @ May 29 2008, 12:27 AM BSTThanks for the feedback here. I've edited in a revised version.
I think that's a lot better. I like "some people" as a pay off, but the preceding line from Left man could be punchier, something like "Right that's it, I've had enough".
Quote: Graham Bandage @ May 29 2008, 12:01 AM BSTThis is how men's toilets work. Imagine there are five urinals ... The fourth man to come in goes in a cubicle.
Really? Oh, dear. They don't teach you this in school!
I always thought the cubicle-urinators were just self-conscious about size.
I have never rewritten a skit b4, but I couldn't help in this case:
Man A enters toilet, one man (b) at far left urinal. Man A approaches urinal next to him, man B looks up in disbelief/annoyance, Man A, smiles apologetically and moves down one, man b, shakes his head, this continues until he "points his percy" at every pot and is as far away as he can get from man B. He looks up again at man B who gives him a brief nod. We then see their shoulders relax followed by the sound of urination (x 2).
Your idea was good, I just think it needed simplifying.
Quote: JohnnyD @ May 29 2008, 8:52 AM BSTI always thought the cubicle-urinators were just self-conscious about size.
Nope, just you. 