Toilet Etiquette

Edited Version:

INT. A mens toilet - day

There is a row of urinals and two men stood at the far ends. There are about 5 or 6 free urinals in the middle. A man walks in and starts to use the urinal next to the man on the left.

left man

Excuse me. What are you doing?

MAN

Pardon?

LEFT MAN

Are you taking the piss?

MAN

Sorry, I think I missed something

Right man

You can't just walk around doing stuff like that you know

MAN

Doing what?

LEFT MAN

Get out now

MAN

I'm sorry I really don't know what's going on here

LEFT MAN

I'll phone the police if I have to

RIGHT MAN

Seriously mate, why are you still here?

RIGHT MAN

There are laws for a reason buddy

MAN

Have I offended you in some way?

LEFT MAN

That's enough

Left man pushes man towards the door and man hurriedly leaves the toilet.

RIGHT MAN

Some people

I like the idea but I think the Left Man needs to be more 'inappropiately' offended. Like give an irrational reason as to why the pissing man is doing something wrong.

Just to make it cleat that the Left Man is the insane one.

Nice idea though

I like it but I bet it confuses all the women here.

Quote: Kim Griffin @ May 28 2008, 11:55 PM BST

I like the idea but I think the Left Man needs to be more 'inappropiately' offended. Like give an irrational reason as to why the pissing man is doing something wrong.

Just to make it cleat that the Left Man is the insane one.

Nice idea though

View original

No, Kim, the man who comes in is the insane one.

This is how men's toilets work. Imagine there are five urinals. The first man to enter goes to the extreme left urinal. The second man to enter goes to the extreme right urinal. The third man to come in goes to the urinal equidistant from the first two men, ie the third one along. The fourth man to come in goes in a cubicle.

Very good, by the way, Chris.

I get exactly where you're coming from, and it's an ace idea.

But you need to emphasise the guy who is standing next to the other guy as the nutter, or it's confusing.

Quote: Graham Bandage @ May 29 2008, 12:01 AM BST

No, Kim, the man who comes in is the insane one.

This is how men's toilets work. Imagine there are five urinals. The first man to enter goes to the extreme left urinal. The second man to enter goes to the extreme right urinal. The third man to come in goes to the urinal equidistant from the first two men, ie the third one along. The fourth man to come in goes in a cubicle.

Very good, by the way, Chris.

View original

No I get it but the fact that the guy phones the police about it obviously is taking it insanely far.

I thought this is what Chris was doing. Maybe not.

Is the guy who comes in the insane one? I really dont think so.

Quote: Kim Griffin @ May 29 2008, 12:04 AM BST

No I get it but the fact that the guy phones the police about it obviously is taking it insanely far.

View original

We'll have to agree to disagree on this one.

Maybe if he commented on his piss?

Oooh I can smell your breakfast espresso, or your not drinking enough water

Yeah, what I was going for really was an exaggeration on the unspoken law, to a point where it is actual law.

"Have you been eating asparagus?"

SOunds like your going for some sort of a bloke law skit, good idea, but you may need to exagerrate it a tad.

Quote: Graham Bandage @ May 29 2008, 12:05 AM BST

We'll have to agree to disagree on this one.

View original

Indeed

I am struggling with this, and with the comments. I think it comes down to POV. Are we looking at this from the perspective of the man on the left, or from that of the man who stands next to him? I think there are two possible sketches there.

In this case it seems to be that the POV is with the man who comes in and stands next to the man taking a piss. I would do away with the stuff about are you taking the piss/no I am taking a piss and the are you having a laugh. I think it works better if the guy is completely inoffensive and a bit apologetic, without understanding what he is apologising for. e.g. I am sorry but...

Thanks for the feedback here. I've edited in a revised version.

I preferred the original - again. I think I should change my name.

I think the idea's really good, but the execution isn't quite there yet. Needs a strong punch at the end as well.