Tactical substitution

1. EXT. LONG SHOT OF A DUGOUT AT A FOOTBALL MATCH.

THE MANAGER IS OUT OF HIS SEAT AND ON THE TOUCHLINE, CLEARLY AGITATED BY HOW THE GAME IS GOING. THE FOURTH OFFICIAL USHERS HIM BACK TO THE DUGOUT. THE MANAGER LEANS OVER AND SAYS SOMETHING TO THE COACH, WHO NODS.

2. EXT. THE MANAGER IS TALKING TO ONE OF THE SUBSTITUTES.

MANAGER

Right get stripped off son, you're on.

SUB

But señor...

MANAGER

I know, we're a goal down, but there's ten minutes on the clock, we can turn this round. Their keeper's not coming off his line, so get down to the by-line and sling in them crosses.

SUB

But...

MANAGER

No, don't worry 'bout the fullback. He's no left foot on him. Skin him on the outside and he's not goin' to have the pace to catch you.

SUB

But...

MANAGER (ANNOYED NOW)

What?!

SUB

Señor, I am not a substitute.

MANAGER LOOKS AT HIM AS IF, SO WHAT?

SUB

And this is not the dugout...

SAME LOOK FROM THE MANAGER

SUB

...this is the wheelchair enclosure.

CAMERA DRAWS BACK TO SHOW HE IS INDEED IN A WHEELCHAIR,

MANAGER

Tactical substitution, it'll throw their game plan. By the time they have themselves sorted out we we'll have had two in the back of net. Now the pitch is heavy, so you got the right tyres on? Good, now get out there and win it for us.

SUB

Si, señor!

THE SUB WHEELS HIMSELF ONTO THE PITCH.

MANAGER

Go on my son!

COACH, SIDLING UP

Unorthodox substitution Guv.

MANAGER

I know, but it was him or one of the English lads. What are you going to do?

Not sure this works for me, but that maybe the wheelchair stuff making me feel a bit uncomfortable, so each to his own.

I don't get the last joke though -- it seems like you're making a point but not sure what it is. Could be stronger at the end.

Dan

Quote: swerytd @ May 29 2008, 11:02 AM BST

Not sure this works for me, but that maybe the wheelchair stuff making me feel a bit uncomfortable, so each to his own.

I don't get the last joke though -- it seems like you're making a point but not sure what it is. Could be stronger at the end.

Dan

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The wheelchair came about by accident really. The original idea was just to have the manager make a totally bizarre substitution. But anyone likely to be down on the touchline is likely to have football experience at a decent level Then I thought of the wheelchair enclosure...

Probably politically incorrect, but not intended to be offensive.

The pay off came from a recent news item that the number of English players in the Premier League had dropped to 38%. But if you need to explain a joke it is not funny.

Possibly not one of my best.

Hmm then the joke maybe more that the manager either makes substitution that's wrong, e.g. wheel chair, and is to stubborn to change it, and the twist being it works.

or he makes ridiculously random substitutions (fictional character, monsters of myth and legend what ever).

Quite like skit, I'd deemphasise it being odd that he's choosing a wheel chair player as that could seem mean spirited (but perversely not enough)

Quote: sootyj @ May 29 2008, 11:23 AM BST

or he makes ridiculously random substitutions (fictional character, monsters of myth and legend what ever).

View original

Quite like that idea, but I think this a dead sketch.

As you say it just comes across as mean spirited, but it is worth putting out stuff that you think might cross a line, just to see how others react.

I think by getting rid of the wheelchair and emphasising the punch that foreign players do better than English ones, then you have a go-er. The simpler idea would work better for me.