This is quite gentle humour and a bit longer than most so may not appeal to many.
EXTERIOR - DAY, COUNTRY SETTING
A rather pale, thin-framed girl approaches a large country house which is set amongst very tall trees. She rings the door bell and a well-built man in his mid-40's answers the door.
GIRL : Are you John Armitage?
JOHN: Yes, I am - can I help you?
GIRL : I think you may be my father
JOHN: (visibly shocked) I think you better come in, I've just boiled the kettle.
He shows her into the kitchen and she takes a seat at the table while JOHN makes the tea. He hands her a mug of tea and sits opposite her.
JOHN : Now why do you think I am your father?
GIRL : (Nervously) Well Mum, you'd know her as Patricia Cox, told me your name and where you lived and that you and her had a brief, erm, fling 17 years ago and here I am (laughs)
JOHN : (looking confused) Patricia Cox, hey? What else did she tell you?
GIRL : (getting more confident) She said you lived in the country and that you loved climbing trees and when I saw your house with all the trees I knew I had come to the right place.
JOHN : Climbing trees hey? (his expression changing to a half-smile). Anything else?
GIRL : Yes, she said you liked to be called Johhny after your favourite film star and you would bang your chest with your fists a lot (sniggering with her head down)
JOHN : Right, well I'm sorry to say that I'm not your father but I know who is.
He gets up from the table and puts his cup in the sink looking out of the window knowingly.
JOHN: My brother, Algernon, used to use my name when he went on the pull, sorry dating .. for obvious reasons. I've never met your mother. (he pauses) erm, this could be difficult because he has become very eccentric in his old age and now he doesn't just climb trees he lives in them!
The girl looks taken aback but John beckons her to join him as he heads for the back door.
JOHN : He watched those films so much he wanted to become like his hero, even changed his name by deed poll (shakes his head and laughs).
As he opens the door and they step into the garden, he looks over to a house built in the trees where a skinny man in his late forties is dressed in a leopard skin loin cloth.
He shouts to him
JOHN : Oi, Tarzan, swing on down I have someone here to meet you ... (he turns to the girl) I'm sorry love what did you say your name was?
GIRL : (in horror!) Jane!
