GILF

THE QUEEN IS IN BED ABOUT TO SHAG PHIL

PHIL

The corgis in the kennel? Is this a god idea my sausage? With my heart problems?

QUEEN

I don't care, now stuff my Paris Tunnel, with your throbbing Fiat Uno.

PRINCE MARK (THE ONE WHO GOT MARRIED) WANDERS IN TAKING PICTURES.

PRINCE

Don't mind me just taking a few snaps carry on.

QUEEN

I beg your pardon, what the bloody hell do you think you're doing?

PRINCE

Just a few snaps, I got half a million for whoring my wedding to Hello, and now Granny SLuts is offering me 100 quid for photos for you on the job. You're the nations favbourite GILF.

QUEEN

GILF?

PRINCE

Granny they'd like to f**k. It's when sad ugly men, fantasise about older uglier women, because they can't pull any one their own age.

QUEEN

Really?

BANGS ON FLOOR

QUEEN

Charle's get up here, I've finally found a way for that useless trollop of a wife of yours to make some money.

PRINCE LEAVES

QUEEN

Right back to the hunt Phil, and if you call me Carla again, it's off with your crown jewels.

Peter Phillips is the one who got married. He can't use the title Prince.

Otherwise, nice one. Could quite easily have finished with the Camilla gag, but the crown jewels/Carla line is the gag cherry on the comedy cake.

Mmm, cake.

Nice work Sooty - good topical stuff. Two things might be worth a tweak IMO.
First of all, the line following GILF isn't the literal saying of GILF, so it doesn't work naturally - you either have to have Peter Phillips say she's GILF (which adds a new dimension) or maybe GOLF (Grannies One would Like to F**k) adding a royal syntax and some more gag confusion potential.

Secondly, I would also end on Camilla, without the crown jewels pay off.

Like this and Badge's idea for GOLF too.

Agree with Graham about the punchline though -- I'd leave as is.

Dan

I'll keep it because whilst the Charles line is a natural end, the Bruni one is more like a second mini skit.

I could see this on Headcases.

That is intended as a compliment. (I thought I ought to make that clear, as I can see how it could be taken the wrong way.