Moody Doody

Bit of a radio skit. Not sure about this one.

FADE IN TO:

INTERVIEWER:
... seven twenty-six. (beat) Now, the British are traditionally known for their reserve. But is it killing us? A new report suggests that bottling up negative feelings may reduce our life expectancy by up to five years, and unnecessarily aggressive behaviour may actually help us to live longer. Professor Roger Doody of the University of Loughborough's applied psychology department wrote the report and he joins us in the studio. Professor Doody, how can insulting people benefit our health?

DOODY:
Well, if I may, I'd like to answer your question with a question . . . Does your mum cut your hair?

INTERVIEWER:
I'm . . .

DOODY:
'Cos it's rubbish. Still, I don't expect there's much call for hairdressing skills down at the brothel. Anyway, why are you interviewing me? I'd have thought I was a bit too heavyweight for the likes of you. I suppose Jodie Marsh was too busy.

INTERVIEWER:
I . . . (recovering) Ah, I see. I'm sure it's nothing personal. An interesting demonstration of ...

DOODY:
(chuckles good-naturedly) Of course it's not personal . . .

INTERVIEWER:
As I was about . . .

DOODY:
... everyone thinks you're a knob. It's not just me. Anyway, why aren't you on telly? That's where the real money is. I wonder why. I wouldn't have thought the smell would be an issue. You must be really crap if Vernon Kay's got a TV career and you haven't.

INTERVIEWER:
(beat) Professor Roger Doody, I'm afraid that's all we have time for. (More upbeat) Now, reporting on an eventful day at Wimbledon, here's Garry Richardson with the ...

DOODY:
(muffled, away from mic) You arsecake!

I liked it, it's funny.

This ought to work, but isn't quite hitting the spot. The set up and structure are fine, and there are some good gags, but I don't think the vitriol is quite sharp enough. The brothel line didn't work for me, and I wasn't sure about the 'why aren't you working in TV stuff'. Perhaps a different line of attack might be Doody slagging off radio as a medium no one listens to, doesn't know why he is bothering with this etc. Just a suggestion.

Thanks for the comments, chaps.

Timbo, I wasn't sure at which level to pitch the vitriol, whether to make Doody's insults juvenile or visceral. True to form, I opted for the juvenile. I might sharpen the claws and have another go.

Oh keep some of the juvenile stuff!

"Does your mum cut your hair?" was a great opening bowl.

Right, the Timbo-ised version.

FADE IN TO:

INTERVIEWER:
... seven twenty-six. (beat) Now, the British are traditionally known for their reserve. But is it killing us? A new report suggests that bottling up negative feelings may reduce our life expectancy by up to five years, and unnecessarily aggressive behaviour may actually help us to live longer. Professor Roger Doody of the University of Loughborough's applied psychology department wrote the report and he joins us in the studio. Professor Doody, how can insulting people benefit our health?

DOODY:
Well, if I may, I'd like to answer your question with a question . . . Does your mum cut your hair?

INTERVIEWER:
I'm . . .

DOODY:
Anyway, why is it you interviewing me? I'd have thought I was a bit too clever for the likes of you. I suppose Jodie Marsh was too busy.

INTERVIEWER:
I . . . (recovering) Ah, I see. I'm sure it's nothing personal. An interesting demonstration of ...

DOODY:
(chuckles good-naturedly) Of course it's not personal . . .

INTERVIEWER:
As I was about . . .

DOODY:
... everyone thinks you're a cock. Anyway, why aren't you on telly? I wouldn't have thought your disgusting body odour would be an issue. You must be really crap if Vernon Kay's got a TV career and you haven't.

INTERVIEWER:
(beat) Professor Roger Doody, I'm . . .

DOODY:
(interrupting INTERVIEWER) Why don't you kill yourself? (beat) You're just a waste of clothes.

INTERVIEWER:
. . . Professor Roger Doody, I'm afraid that's all we have time for. (More upbeat) Now, reporting on an eventful day at Wimbledon, here's Garry Richardson with the ...

DOODY:
(muffled, away from mic) You arsecake!