British Comedy Guide

Knife

HEAD MASTER IS TALKING TO A MUM AND A TEACHER.

HEADMASTER

Violent knife crime, and gang violence have gotten out of control in
St Robert Mugabe's inner city academy for reading good.

TEACHER

We teacher's agree, our lives are in danger.

PARENT

And as a mum, I'm scared of my own kid stabbing me.

HEADMASTER

That's why the gouvernment has given us two new secret weapons to combat knife crime.

TEACHER

Fantastic.

PARENT

What are they ?

HEADMASTER

Teachers, and parents.

PARENT

So not only do I have to take SATs every fortnight, and teach classes of 40 kids speake 43 languages, I've got to become some sort of undercover vigilante.

PARENT

And I'm supposed to tackle my 7 foot tall ADHD son, and his gang of heavily armed career criminals. I mean isn't this a job for the police?

HEADMASTER

They've got more important crime to fight.

POLICE MAN WALKS ON.

POLICE MAN

We've been through all of your books looking for racist setniments. Would you mind telling me why there's division in your maths books, and the words Niger geography text books.

HEADMASTER

But that's the river Niger, and divisions just part of maths.

POLICE MAN

I see sir, better come with me, it's people like you who make the streets dangerous to walk down.

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