Re-edit:
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
A MAN HURTLES DOWN THE STAIRS IN HIS DRESSING GOWN TO ANSWER A RINGING PHONE.
MAN:
Hold on! **** it! Hold on!
[THE SWEAR IS BLEEPED]
HE STUBS HIS FOOT ON THE BOTTOM STEP.
MAN:
****!
[THE SWEAR IS BLEEPED AGAIN]
AGGRAVATED, THE MAN SNATCHES UP THE PHONE.
MAN:
Hello! Hello!
(BEAT)
****ing hell!
[THE SWEAR IS BLEEPED ONCE MORE. THIS TIME THE BLEEP IS CONTINOUS]
THE MAN LOOKS ABOUT IN PANIC, HANDS OVER HIS EARS.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
THE BLEEP CONTINUES TO PLAY OVER THE SCENE. THE FOLLOWING CONVERSATION IS SHOUTED BUT INAUDIBLE. ALL DIALOGUE IS SUBTITLED.
THE MAN ANSWERS THE DOOR TO HIS GIRLFRIEND. SHE”S ALL DOLLED UP, HE’S IN HIS DRESSING GOWN STILL. SHE LOOKS AGGRAVATED.
MAN:
Sorry, I didn’t hear the bell!
GIRLFRIEND:
Did you burn some toast?
MAN:
What?
GIRLFRIEND:
How long has the smoke alarm been going off?
MAN:
It’s not the smoke alarm!
GIRLFRIEND:
What is it then?
MAN:
I don’t know. It started when I said the word ****.
THE BLEEP GETS LOUDER STILL.
GIRLFRIEND:
It what?
MAN:
I said the ‘F’ word! It’s like a swear bleep or something!
GIRLFRIEND:
Very funny! Why aren’t you dressed?
MAN:
I’ve been dealing with this!
GIRLFRIEND:
You were meant to be cooking dinner, remember?
MAN:
We can’t eat with this going on! Maybe another night!
GIRLFRIEND:
If you don’t want to see me just say so!
MAN:
It’s not you, honey! It’s the bleep!
GIRLFRIEND:
Oh, **** off!
THE BLEEP TURNS AGONISINGLY LOUD NOW.
MAN:
You’re making it worse!
SHE STORMS OUT OF THE HOUSE.
MAN:
Come back! Honey!
THE SWEAR BLEEP STOPS.
MAN:
F**k.
