British Comedy Guide

Dirty Women

A sketch I submitted to Dumbfunded:

(Three women are sitting behind a desk, presenting a daytime TV show)

GRAMS:DAYTIME TV TYPE THEME TUNE

KATIE:Hello! And welcome to Dirty Women, the daily show for housewives where we pretend to be as saucy and controversial as possible without actually offending anyone or discussing anything of substance. I’m Katie Strumpet-Smith and with me are Carol McHarridan and Colleen Nobody.

(CAROL and COLLEEN nod / wave as she says their names)

CAROL:Hahaha! Thank you. On today’s show we discuss whether all men are bastards…or just my ex-husband?

KATIE:We also have the woman who chewed her own leg off. We’re not entirely sure why but it was presumably to escape from some man and she’ll tell us all about it.

COLLEEN: But first we talk about size zero models – they’re young, they’re thin but what do we really think about them? It was only when I split up with my ex-husband – serial love-rat and soap actor Shane Day – that I stopped worrying about my size and only dieted when I wanted to.

CAROL:That’s a good point, Colleen. Without men would we have any size zero models?....or perhaps we would all be size zero?

COLLEEN: Well, you’re a size zero Carol …it just happens to have a 2 in front of the zero!

KATIE:Fascinating. Well our guest today is international feminist and best-selling author of ‘The Female Castrati’ – Janine Grrrr.

(JANINE enters and sits down on a chair at the end of their desk)

JANINE:(AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) Hello.

KATIE:So, Janine, are you a fan of the show?

JANINE:(AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) Not really. I tend to think that this sort of mindless drivel spouted by a bunch of insane hags who bitch about men, each other and everything else just serves to reinforce outdated stereotypes of women and drives back the cause of equality by several decades.

KATIE:(UNSURE) …Err…Hahaha…..So, any top beauty tips?

JANINE:(AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) No.

KATIE:Right. Thanks Janine Grrrr.

CAROL:After the break we’ll be drooling over new boyband, Wanksock, So join us then for more Dirty Women!

GRAMS:DAYTIME TV TYPE THEME TUNE

I don't know why this did not get any replies. It is not subtle, but it hits the target. Then holds it down and kicks it. I liked it.

Why thank you. I think there's often a temptation to be too subtle. Subtle sometimes comes off really well when you're reading a sketch but doesn't always work so well when it's performed.

Quote: Timbo @ May 28 2008, 11:49 PM BST

I don't know why this did not get any replies. It is not subtle, but it hits the target. Then holds it down and kicks it. I liked it.

Yes, didn't see this one. Colleen Nobody - harsh, but fair.

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