The Pub

‘The Pub’
Nigel Kelly

INT. NIGHT. PUB.

TWO MEN (DAVE AND BILL) ARE DRINKING AND NOTICE TWO WOMEN.

DAVE
Isn’t that the bird you went out with a few times?

BILL
Yeah, so it is.

(BILL waves over to WOMAN. She nods to Bill and whispers something to her FRIEND and then puts her hands about 12 inches apart.)

DAVE
Bloody hell. I didn’t know you were hung like a donkey mate.

BILL
Erm, yeah, yeah. It’s not something I brag about Dave. Don’t need to. Actions speak louder than words.

(Woman rubs her thumb and two nearest fingers together to indicate ’money’. She then whispers to her Friend and they both look over to Bill.)

DAVE
What are you working at these days Bill? Still at the window cleaning?

BILL
Out on my own mate, got a few blokes working for me.

DAVE
Doing what?

BILL
Window cleaning.

(Bill gives Woman a little wave. The Woman lifts a beer bottle and puts it towards her crotch and simulates sex. Woman looks to her Friend and they both glance at Bill.)

DAVE
Christ, you’re in mate.

BILL
If I was a woman, I’d want me too, big time.

(Friend walks over to Bill and Dave.)

DAVE
Wanna drink love?

FRIEND
No.

BILL
Tell your lovely ladyfriend that’s ok. I can fit her in, ha, ha.

FRIEND
You wish. She thought you were a big catch but you cost her a bloody fortune.

BILL
In what?

FRIEND
Vibrator batteries, limp dick.

ENDS.

Nice!

I just don't like the whole 'simulating sex thing'. Maybe I'm more of a prude than I realised, as I seemed to be saying something similar to this, the other day to someone else, but I don't feel comfortable with the female character. I liked it up until that point onwards. I thought Bill's character was established straight away, which made it flow well. The ending just let it down for me.

Thanks guys and girls. I actually emailed this one to Dumbfunded for what its worth. And the judge is a bloke called James Henry. Maybe that will work in my favour Rebecca .