FX: PHONE RINGING AND BEING ANSWERED
HELPDESK:Hello, Internet helpdesk.
GARY: Hi, I forgot my password and now I’m locked out of my internet account.
HELPDESK: OK. I just need to ask you a few security questions. Can you confirm your mother’s maiden name?
GARY: Babcock.
HELPDESK: And the name of your first pet?
GARY: Are you trying to get my pornstar name?
HELPDESK: Sir, I’m just trying to help you.
GARY: Alright. It was Rocky.
HELPDESK: Correct. Well done. And what was the last Nick Nolte film you watched?
GARY: (UNDER HIS BREATH) Dammit, I write a blog so that I don’t have to remember these things…Erm…48 hours?
HELPDESK: I’m afraid it was Another 48 Hours. And did you enjoy the film?
GARY: Yes.
HELPDESK: Well you only gave it 5 out of 10 on IMDB, so that’s debatable. Not to worry, we’ll just try the Level 2 security questions.
GARY: What if I get those wrong?
HELPDESK: We send an engineer round.
GARY: Oh, good.
HELPDESK: And he’ll smash your computer into tiny pieces with a big hammer.
GARY: What?!
HELPDESK: Trying to access the internet with the wrong password is technically theft, sir. Now, when was the last time you wet the bed?
GARY: I can’t believe you’re asking that! (BEAT) (SIGH) Look, I was very, very, VERY drunk. It was about 2 months ago.
HELPDESK: That wasn’t actually one of the security questions; I just needed to update our files. Can you confirm your childhood nickname?
GARY: Um…OK…it was….it was Farty Smith. I didn’t know you had that on file.
HELPDESK: We’re the internet, sir, we know everything. And if you could just confirm the date you finished that course of anti-biotics they gave you at the VD clinic?
GARY: Do I really have to….uh…. yes it was last Wednesday.
HELPDESK: And the third letter of the disease you were diagnosed with?
GARY: R.
HELPDESK: That’s fine Sir. I’ve reset your password to your pornstar name – Rocky Babcock. Thank you for calling.
FX: PHONE BEING PUT DOWN AND DIALLING TONE.
