Closer Magazine Encounters of the Third Kind.
Richard Dreyfuss has to turn everything he touches into a volcano. Read his amazing story on page 5.
Also in this issue - 'The day my ears fell off' and 'I didn't think I could love another, then I met the Spanish transgender bin man who saved my life'.
Quote: David Bussell @ November 27 2010, 9:33 AM GMTBut, Dan, the only person I despise on these boards is you. Are you saying you think I'm astonishingly cool?
Well, 'astonishingly' is a bit far. Would you settle for 'relatively'?
Dan
Give and Let Die. Pledge a shedful of money to Oxfam and then blow it all on a holiday to Tenerife.
The Thingy
Alien attacks Antarctic home for the forgetful
The Bling
Shape changing set of Argos jewlerry kills people with it's load gold content
Tune- Musical set on a pile of sand
Black Hawk Brown
Hated exPM crashes in Somalian civil war, nobody upset
Carry on Carry on
Starring Sid James as Freddy Mercury in smutty comedy about Queen (as played Kenneth Williams)
Wife of Brian- Dan Brown inspired sequel of Python classic.
One man... one kitchen... a motherload of ingredients...
Michael Bay's... Jamie Oliver: The Movie.
This summer, prepare to get Pucked.
The Longest Gay- Stephen Fry attempts to enter the Guiness Book of Records.
'The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo Who Works In Our Chinese Chippy'.
My Fair Slim Shady- Eminem finally gets the elocution lessons we've always dreamed about. 'Shamo Mothercopulator'
The Kings Peach
Colin Firth stars in this f**k me you can't move without some bastard talking about this little known tale of King George VI's inability to converse with the nation due to his aversion to peaches (or any fruit of the Genus Prunus) and the fruit therapist who cured him.
Oh, did I also mention that he stuttered like a village idiot in the electric chair?
The Green Otis Ferray
John Wayne is an elite posh green nuisance whose dad wrote some nice tunes.
The Queens Beetch
Can George VI be the king England needs inspite of being a Mexican pimp?
The Kings Cheech
Colin Firth stars in this little known tale of King George VI's friendship with that bloke who was in Nash Bridges.
The Kings Chong
In the sequel, King George VI develops a friendship with that bloke who didn't get on very well at all with Cheech despite being in a double act with him.
The Kings Sneetch
King George VI kicks Harry Potter then Hitlers asses