WE ARE IN A RATHER SCABBY OFFICE, THE KIND WHERE PEOPLE SELL DOUBLE GLAZING. 3 WOMEN TINA (OVER MADE UP, LONG SKIRTS, AND CAREFULLY MADE UP SCRUFFY HAIR, SOME ONE WHO IS TRYING TO LOOK LIKE A BOHEMIAN BUT FAILING.) JANE (ALICE BAND, THICK TIGHTS, BIG SMILE, SENSIBLE SKIRT AND CARDIGAN LOOKING ,LIKE A SLOAN WHO SHOPS AT ETAM), AND LEANE (BAGGY TSHIRT, HAIR BUNDLED BACK AND STUCK IN PLACE WITH GRIPS, OLD FRANKIE SAYS TSHIRT, LOOKS LIKE SHE DON’T CARE, BUT LOOKS BETTER THAN THE OTHER TWO).
JANE
So girls how was your weekend? Me and Jeffrey had a super time we…..
LEANE
Bought flowers at the garden center, and looked at furniture at Ikea on Sunday, before…
TINA
Before having a triffic’ Sunday lunch at a gastro pub that was…
LEANE
In the Telegraph last week.
TINA
And was on Ramsey’s kitchen nightmares last week.
JANE
Oh crikey, have I become that obvious, still that’s married life for you.
TINA
You only got married 6 months ago, and suddenly you’re Felicity Kendall on valium.
LEANE
So what did you gels get upto this weekend?
LEANE
I’m 24 I’ve got 4 kids, 2 dogs, and half a cat, if you call me a Gal again, I may strangle you with your own alice band. Anyway it’s a cleaning weekend.
TINA
Good old spring clean, polish the wooden floor and all that.
LEANE
I wish, I had to worm the dogs, and de-nit the kids. It’s my own stupid fault for washing them all in the same bath last week. In the end I just wormed ‘em all, give social services one less thing to give me a hard time over.
JANE
There but the grace of God…..
TINA
Half a cat, how does that work?
LEANE
Well the milk man ran Genghis Cat over with his milk float. We complained and the company sent us £500 in vet vouchers. He’s got 3 legs, no ears, one eye, and half a tail. I reckon that makes half a cat.
JANE
The poor thing, wouldn’t it be less cruel just to let him die.
LEANE
Oh he does alright. He did the hamster, and he got the neighbors Chihuahua, yapped something awful it did, till Genghis done him. He add it on it’s back and he was