Quote: zooo @ May 17 2008, 9:54 PM BSTI liked all the dialogue, it made me laugh and flowed well.
But when the Crazy Frog suddenly gets mentioned you lost me. I fear that's the actual point of the sketch and I've missed it!
Was he the AP?
Help me...
the crazy frog ring tone.
No, I know who the crazy frog is.
But if he's the AP, I found it conusing that he was referred to as 2 different names in the script.
AP heard the crazy frog ring tone in another part of the train and got his knife and loud speaker and went to stab another bloke with another annoying ring tone (crazy frog).
Oh!
'Goes off' as in 'goes off', not 'wanders off'.
I get it now.
As you were!
Christ that was hard work. Think I need a nap. 
It was wasn't it!
This is why I generally stay out of Critique. 
It's better for all concerned.
Cheers everyone for your super feedback.
Wayne, I really get where you are coming from. When I was writing AP's speeches I could already feel that he might either get tedious or annoying to the point that the sketch lost its funny-juice. I actually cut it down from a slightly longer version but I can really see where you are coming from. It's good to see someone else spotted it, I was worried.
I didn't find that as funny as everyone else but certainly made me smile. I did chuckle at this line though:
((to woman)) Sorry, are you alright? Did it annoy you too? Here have a biscuit.
Reassuringly ridiculous.
It's always good to have a different view on things. You can critique my latest effort if you like. It's drifting around in the middle some where. Would appreciate your comments. It's called wild life.
Ta
Cheers guys, keep it good, keep it honest, you're all gorgeous people for even reading it!
x
Quote: JohnnyD @ May 17 2008, 8:09 PM BSTBlimey! That's a quick response.
Do they like the CHARACTERS preamble? I found it rather off-putting.
I get it now! To be honest the comedy unit aren't strict on formats etc. I always put in a brief characters summary, incase they are just skimming for sketches that have a character list that fits a specific cast.
I liked that, and it's a nice reverting of stereotypes.
Could picture this guy throwing up on some one's kebab when they eat it on the train.
I think it's a sketch that has been done before in various ways and you've gone for the most obvious way to start with. It's a situation most of us endure at some time or other and is pretty predictable. It needs livening up and having something of a surprise in it, like the person with the ringtone being a vicar or something (not that that'd work, but you get my drift).
I had never thought throwing someones phone out of a window or hunting someone with a knife and loudspeaker was predicatable...but then again we are countries apart, cultural differences Im sure.
Not a Ragers fan then? 