Star Pupil

STAR PUPIL
Written by Kim Griffin
humourfirst@hotmail.co.uk

CHARACTERS

MR TOM: A very enthusiastic and passionate teacher who is terrible at reading situations.
MR CLARKE – Doting father of Paul.
MRS CLARKE- Doting mother of Paul
STACEY- Pupil who has just escaped an explosion.

MR TOM’S CLASSROOM

MR TOM:

Mr and Mrs Clark, please come in, take a seat. Right so, I have little Paul’s report here. He is fast becoming the star pupil, you should be very proud!

MR CLARKE:

Brilliant, we were worried about how he would settle in to his new school. Can I ask what he’s doing best at right now?

MR TOM:

You’re son is ace-ing subjects across the board! But his poetry, his poetry Mr and Mrs Clarke is what really makes Paul stand out.

MRS CLARKE:

His poetry? Paul used to hate English!

MR TOM:

I’m amazed! He is so talented! He wrote this poem last week..

‘Dear Mr Thom, I have a problem and hope that you can help me? I feel very lonely and sometimes I get so angry I set fire to strangers. Please help me, I want to die, Yours Paul Clarke’

Exquisite. Most youths his age are too scared to step out of using a rhyming system, but Paul just went for it and I am thrilled for him.

MRS CLARKE:

I’m quite curious about the Religious Studies course, Mr Tom. In his old school Paul used to be very interested in it. Has the school encouraged it?

MR TOM:

Oh absolutely, if there is anything about any pupil that stands out I make sure it’s brought to light and handled with care. In fact, Paul has managed to carry his interest in R.E in to his art, in particular this painting which was done after my lesson in reincarnation.

((Shows a kiddy painting of Paul dead with the caption ‘ I don’t want to live this life anymore’.))

Inspiring work. Needless to say good work is always rewarded and so I decided to let young Paul carry on with his science project in the playground. The other children are out there now watching.

((EXPLOSION, comical amounts of blood splatters all over the window behind Mr Tom’s desk))

They’re all a bit jealous really.

MRS CLARKE:

Yes well Mr Tom, thank you for your time. We should be heading home now.

MR TOM:

It was my pleasure. I look forward to seeing you again.

((MR AND MRS CLARKE EXIT, ENTER STACEY WHO IS BLEEDING AND IN TEARS FROM PAUL’S PLAYGROUND EXPLOSION.))

Good heavens Stacey. Those are magnificent tears. We’ll make an actress of you yet eh?
((Ruffles her hair.))
Now go on, off with you.

I had a little chuckle at this but then got worried that you might be a Rangers fan and try to blow me up in the playground as well!

I liked this too and it made me laugh. Particularly the poem. The arts-obsessed avuncluar teacher is easy to imagine and I could visualise the scene well.

Small typo though, Mr Tom acquires an "H" from somewhere

Yeah, very funny. But now i'll keep having visions of exploding schoolchildren.

cheers guys, il be posting a few up here, I try to write a sketch a day. Would be awesome getting your feedback, dont hold back from ripping right in either. Im not precious about my writing at all.

x

I might write a series of sketches involving this character. Do you think that might be stretching the Mr Tom character to a none-funny extent?

Might be worth a go at another few for him.

The thing with a recurring character though, if modern sketch shows are any guide, is to give them the exact same punchline to deliver each time. A bit boring as a writer but also a piece of piss, not to mention money for old rope if they actually catch on.

I'll hammer a few out and see what comes of it. Cheers!

Quote: Kim Griffin @ May 17 2008, 11:48 PM BST

I might write a series of sketches involving this character. Do you think that might be stretching the Mr Tom character to a none-funny extent?

View original

Your Mr Tom character is funny because he is talking about a 3rd party - it wouldn't be so funny if he had the pupil in the room with him or was trying to take a class. You could create other Mr Tom-type characters in other establishment-like situations, a government minister, bank manager, etc. As part of a 6 part sketch show he would be instantly recognisable as that character but never the same situation to make it dull and repetitive.

Cracking idea, cheers Alan you big bag if ideas you!

Well that's very good, and funny.

Minor thought, if he blows himself up that's a slightly confusing from of suicide (as it's more associated with religious fundamentalism)

but lovely use of the oblivious teacher, and I'd like to see him again.

hell thats a good point hmmmm, Il need to think about that!

Oh it's a tiny point, personally for comedy executions/suicides I always favour guillotines.

Especially if they make them, themselves.

It slows a really topnotch skit down a tiny bit.

Would love to see this guy explaining what happened on the school trip to Basra, or Amsterdam.

It seems a bit odd that all three of them are oblivious. I don't know how you could change that without ruining the pace. I quite like it though.