Sketch

EXT. DAY. BEACH.

TWO MEN (JIM AND BILL) ARE USING METAL DETECTORS.

SFX BLEEP

BILL: Gimme that spade over Jim.

JIM: Its about time we got something.

BILL STARTS TO DIG

BILL: I'm hitting a box of some sort.

JIM: Shit, this looks promising Bill.

BILL: Bloody hell, its a treasure chest.

JIM: A proper old time one an' all.

BILL: Go and get the crowbar out of my car please Jim.

JIM RETURNS WITH A CROWBAR.

BILL: I'll get this bugger open and we'll see if it's our lucky day or not.

THE TREASURE CHEST IS PRISED OPEN AND THEY PEER IN.

BILL: Oh. My. God.

JIM: Is that what I think it is?

BILL LIFTS AN OLD METAL DETECTOR OUT OF THE TREASURE CHEST.

JIM: 1970's Deluxe model Bill, a real rarity.

BILL: Beautiful craftsmanship. They dont make 'em like they used to.

ENDS.

Possibly a bit too obvious this one.

No, it's not. I quite like it. To be honest, I was waiting to be disappointed with some derivative thing but was pleasantly surprised by the reveal. Nicely done.

Needs chopping a bit though. Start with them hitting the box straight away (the 'this looks promising' line) and just have the crowbar next to them rather than in the car. Also, don't think you need the 'I'll get the bugger open...' line at all.

Dan

see comment on 'Quickie'

Not predictable at all. Not sure about the treasure chest tho. Couldn't they just find a metal detector? Or don't detectors have metal parts? Also, in my opinion this could be just as good with one man and no dialogue.

Reminds me of Peter Cook in conversation with Clive Anderson as the metal detector character. Cook mentions his metal detector detecting itself.

It's good, but I agree it could be nippier.

Yeah, I like it too but agree that it could be quicker.

JIM: Shit, this looks promising Jim.

Jim seems to be talking to himself?

Quote: Sofa_Matt @ May 15 2008, 10:12 AM BST

JIM: Shit, this looks promising Jim.

Jim seems to be talking to himself?

View original

Thanks, will fix.

Neat, not obvious but DikTurnip is right to say ditch the chest.

I think this would work if he switched the old one on and it detected a further detector underneath it.

Quote: DIKTURNIP @ May 14 2008, 12:01 PM BST

Also, in my opinion this could be just as good with one man and no dialogue.

View original

I agree with this.

Quote: Kevin Murphy @ August 10 2009, 6:27 PM BST

I agree with this.

View original

And I agree with this.

Quote: DIKTURNIP @ May 14 2008, 12:01 PM BST

Also, in my opinion this could be just as good with one man and no dialogue.

View original

It could also be done as a Musical with an additional cast of about 60 singing/dancing deckchair attendants and boat-loads of beautiful hand-made costumes.

Suggested titles:

A Little Night Metal-detecting

Thoroughly Modern Metal Detector

La Cage Au Détecteurs Des Métaux

I can see it's a bit quiet on here at the moment, but are we really reduced to giving feedback on sketches that are over a year old?