Tinpot Tilt blow-out

Since we're in the mood, here's a two-bob skit that didn't make the cut on Tilt. Adapted from a sketch originally written just too late for RFTP. A salutary lesson is dredging up unused dross for use later on, methinks.

MEDIA HYSTERIA #3

PRESENTER
Returning to the earlier story of the Second World War bomb discovered washed ashore at Felixstowe, Royal Navy bomb disposal expert Mike Flannigan is here. Let’s cut to the chase here Mr. Flannigan. Is this terrorism?

MIKE
No. It’s an unexploded World War bomb. Probably German.

PRESENTER
So they're German terrorists. Like Die Hard? Is there any indication at this stage that Hans Gruber was involved?

MIKE
Who-? No. It was probably dropped by the Luftwaffe. Buried for years.

PRESENTER
Luftwaffe? So it’s Nazi terrorism, with an archaeological twist. Schindler’s List crossed with Time Team. Raiders of the Lost Ark, basically.

MIKE
I repeat: there is no indication that terrorism is a factor here.

PRESENTER
Right. Got you. So if it's not terrorists, you’re telling me that the Second World War never ended?

MIKE
No, look-

PRESENTER
This is an astonishing development. Do we need to invade Germany again? Because I can tell you now Mike, I’m ready.

MIKE
Listen. Germany didn’t plant this today. This bomb was dropped decades ago by the Luftwaffe. It was washed ashore after the tide washed away a sandbank-

PRESENTER
I don’t want to alarm people. But could al-Qaeda have built that sandbank?

MIKE
That’s absurd.

PRESENTER
But is it? There’s lots of sand in Afghanistan.

MIKE
Do they train for that?

PRESENTER
You tell me. You’re the expert.

MIKE
Not on sandbanks.

PRESENTER
We’ll throw it open to our listeners, because they’re all experts. Usual number folks. Perhaps it’s a suicide bomber who has cunningly disguised himself as an unexploded bomb and waited patiently for 65 years?

MIKE
I can’t carry on with this…

PRESENTER
Fine. Let’s assume it is an 'old' bomb. Let’s not beat around the bush. Is there any evidence that terrorists have somehow manipulated the tide to wash this bomb ashore?

MIKE
Manipulated the tide? Are you serious?

PRESENTER
Be honest Mike. You can’t rule out the possibility that terrorists have developed an enormous tractor beam that can manipulate the position of the moon, altering the lunar cycles, disrupting the tidal erosion patterns off the Suffolk coast and uncovering a huge bomb with the potential to obliterate Felixstowe. Can you? Can you rule that out – 100%?

MIKE
It sounds like something Arthur C Clarke would write.

PRESENTER
Everything he wrote came true. A startling admission, Mr. Flannigan.

MIKE
I didn’t admit anything.

PRESENTER
The latest developments if you’re just joining us; the Second World War never ended, sand shifting Islamic extremists with ties to a revived Nazi party are in possession of a giant tractor beam that can move the moon – and Hans Gruber, who hasn’t been heard of since his ill-fated raid on Nakatomi Plaza, is in on the whole thing. If you’re listening in Felixstowe this evening: do what you can to save your children. Thanks Mike. Let’s get the latest business news.

Good stuff Pripyat. Some funny natural dialog in there. My fave line being:

PRESENTER
...Do we need to invade Germany again? Because I can tell you now Mike, I’m ready.

Hi Pripyat

You can see the RFTP in there, even without you saying!

I think it's a bit long for Tilt. Pretty sure the longer sketches involved were from the main writing team. I think that's one of the differences between the two programmes, as RFTP seemed to have more of the longer sketches.

That said, it's a good sketch. I think the summing up at the end is not particularly Tilt and a bit long for my liking.

Mind you, if you had made any reference to Ross Kemp, you would probably have got it on.

Dan

That's an ace sketch, good idea, good pacing, good punch line, very good ear ofr dialogue.

I can see why it didn't get into Tilt, it's a bit long, and not all that snappy.

Nothing wrong with that, jsut not what they were looking for I suspect.

But you know it's very much BBC2 9pm sketch slot, and enjoyable to read as well.

As it's quite verbal, maybe Rough cuts?

Nice idea and well written, good stuff.