British Comedy Guide

On the Inside

SMITHY and WAYNE, two prisoners in cell.

WAYNE is watching the football. He has a can of beer in one hand and a fag in the other. SMITHY enters. He is very dirty and carries a spade.

SMITHY:
Wayne, I’m through!

WAYNE:
(Trying to see telly past him) D’ya mind? I can’t see the game.

SMITHY:
I’m past the wall!

WAYNE:
(Sarcastically) Brilliant.

SMITHY:
We’re free! We can go anywhere!

WAYNE:
Smithy, there’s a petrol strike.

SMITHY:
Buy anything!

WAYNE:
And a credit crunch.

SMITHY:
Smoke anything!

WAYNE:
You tried the gear out there, Smithy!? You’re the worst dope we’ve got!

SMITHY:
You mean ..?

WAYNE:
Block it up, mate, we’ll be swamped!

Very simple, and obvious but it works.

Would have added,

"but put Pete Docherty out first,"

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