Apprentice Fish

A Tilt Week One reject (understandably, given the language. So I sent a modified version to NR). I think it was after The Apprentice fish task. I did another Apprentice-based sketch later on in the series.

Dan

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APPRENTICE FISH
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SIR ALAN SUGAR TALKING TO THE LISTENER

SIR ALAN:
Right, wankers. Have I got a task for you! Your first task: flogging fish. I’ve got you each some supplies. Two fish per team and five loaves of bread. *You* have to feed 5,000 punters with these limited supplies. No bullshit, no timewasting. Jesus did it and with the right location, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to do it also. Nick here—

F/XNORING MAN

SIR ALAN:
—and Margaret—

F/X:WOMAN MAKES SHRILL NOISE LIKE POKER SHOVED UP HER BUM

SIR ALAN:
—will keep an eye on you. When you fail, come back and one of you *will* be fired. Now, piss off and get to it, you c**ts. Good luck.

END

It's a good idea, but it ends with out a good punch, and good luck getting c**t on the radio (albeit Radio 1 do with Chris Moyles arf arf)

A groaner of a punch would be,

1 One of you is going to get crucified.

as above, nice idea but zero punch line. (calling someone a c**t is not a punch line)

Lovely idea, Dan, and you correctly identify the reason it didn't make Tilt. Sooty's ending is neater in its tie-in.

Yeah, it is.

Damn you lot, helping me *after* stuff has already been rejected. To quote the late, great Chandler Bing: "You're the ideal people to have around the day *after* an emergency!"

Dan

You write good stuff, but there sheer mass of stuff hitting Tilt, must have created a certain luck factor.

Cheers, but that's two sketches where (perhaps) I've missed the obvious joke in a rush to finish the sketch. I need to take a step back (though any topical show deadlines means things are more of a rush than normal).

Just a bit annoyed that I missed your joke above (I don't mean 'your' joke specifically, as that does you a disservice, I mean 'a further religious/Jesus reference') and the 'Morgan' in the 'Who Wants To Be a Billion-Billion-Billionaire' sketch below (somewhere). That one, if anything, is *so* obvious!

Dan

It's an universal experience, Dan. After filming is finished or pressing 'send' there's usually a gag to be spotted that's crying out to have been included.