Holy strokes

A MONK IS BEING INITIATED BY AN ABBOTT.

ABBOTT

Welcome Brother Gerard to out humble order. A life time, of quiet contemplation, of doing the Lord's wishes.

MONK

Thank you Abbott. I know little of this order; is it a silent meditative order? Or do you grow fruit to praise the Lord?

ABBOTT

We are a slightly unusual order, here brother you'll need these.

HANDS THE MONK A BOX OF TISSUES; A JAR OF KY, AND A MANILA ENVELOPE

MONK LOOKS INSIDE THE ENVELOPE, THERE ARE PHOTOS.

MONK

Why is there a photo of a leather carpet with a wig in here?

ABBOTT

Look closer my brother.

MONK

Oh my God it's a really ugly naked woman. What kind of holy order is this?

ABBOTT

We're a wanking order. We abuse our selves over those poor souls to ugly to ever inspire lust in another. With us they know some where in the world. Some devout soul is knocking one out in their name, and our Lord.

MONK

Oh my word there's Anne Widecombe in here, and Johnny Vegas. Who is the patron saint of this depraved order?

ABBOTT

Oh my foolish boy isn't obvious it's George Bush. The biggest wanker of them all .

Substitute for who ever you like in the final line, Gordon Brown, Sarkozy, me possibly?

The concept's quite a good one, but it doesn't seem to be funny enough the way you've done it. Again, you probably don't need the first two lines. Just start at: "Welcome to our order, Brother Gerard. You'll need these." and get to the point quicker. Similarly, lose the leather carpet/wig line and go straight to the ugly woman line.

I think the sketch is much shorter than you want it to be here.

Dan

Fair point I jusr dashed it off after winding up a friend on the subject, so it probably does need surgery.

you have to read your stuff through before posting. i don't care about grammar in "normal" threads but when you are trying to read a sketch and visualise it mistakes wreck it.

I've worked on a grammar, is it more readable now?

Bad grammar can make a piece of work difficult to read. It can, for example, blunt the comedic effect of a sentence; a comedy writer does not want this!

It is, however, a minefield of a topic. There are so many contradictions and shadowy rules that it's very difficult to follow.

Is my use of the semicolon correct?

Don't knock my grammar. She's a lovely woman.

Thanks Griff for a through bit of advice. I love the semicolon so much I may soon need a colostomy.

Am going on a grammar course with my work next week.