Maybe the 3rd ever skit I wrote

It’s not much but it’s our local

Sounds of a noisy pub (fruit machines etc), 3 people are sitting in the pub.

Nigella

Funny name for a pub, The Iraqis head, but this place really grows on you, yes no more trendy Czech beer, and blossom hill chardonnay, but real people and real lives

Jocasta

Yes and I really feel we’re being accepted as part of the local community

Zack

So what’s every one drinking?

Jocasta

A glass of blossom hill chardonnay

Nigella

Me too

Zack

And I’ll have a Budvar

Zack walks off set

A woman walks doing a collection with a bucket

Woman

Come on girls, cough up, it’s for Arold’s wreath.

Nigella

Who’s Arold?

Woman

He’s dead he was a regular now cough up.

Jocasta

Ok £5 do it, ok £10, what was he like ?

Woman

That’s him sitting over there

Woman points off stage

Jocasata

That’s most unreasonable, how can he need a wreath if he’s not…..

fx sounds of struggle followed by what sounds like some one being stabbed, and a death gurgle

Thuggish man walks across stage with what looks like a bloody knife.

Jocasta

Oh I see

Woman

You didn’t see nothing, right

Woman makes a throat slitting motion and walks off

Zack returns, he has a tray of pints, and a nose bleed

Zack

Here we are 3 pints of Stella, and

Nigella

That’s not what we ordered, and what happened to your nose?

Zack

All they serve here is Stella, and a dry slap

All

It’s not much but it’s our local.

Yes - I see it was quite an old one.

Incidentally I know a pub called the Blackamore's Head.

How do you see it was an old skit, is it dated or dire?

Um - some good points but struggled a bit.

I'm probably going to chop it in half.

Should end with "You didn't see nothing - right".

There's a lot of words in there; you could cut a lot of them out. Also, the formatting makes it really difficult to read, sooty. Might want to sort that so it's more 'user-friendly'!

Otherwise I like the premise and most of the jokes. Just needs polishing.

Dan

I find it interesting some of the errors in there. It's very over written, with a lot of surplus gags, and dialogue.

It's jsut nice to see I've probably improved.