AN EVIL ALIEN OVER LORD (ZARGON IS SPEAKING TO AN UNSEEN AUDIENCE), HE IS 12 FOOT TALL, HAS A CLOAK, AND A MIDGET MINION CHAINED TO HIS ANKLE.
ZARGON
I am Zargon the Mighty, cower before me you puny mortal scum. I boiled the whole of the egg civilisation of Nitron Bee for 2 minutes, then cracked their skulls and ate their runny, yellow brains, with a massive slice of hyper toast.
As for Metlaon, the planet of the space bumholes. A planet made up of the universes only race of intelligent buttocks. With my cruiser Andrex, I wiped them all out.
How dare you challenge me, Zargon supreme space despot. Who squeezed the life from the Zit people, of plant acne.
MINION
Yes master
ZARGON
Quiet you.
HE CUFFS MINION, WHO COWERS.
PULL BACK TO REVEAL HE IS STANDING BESIDE A WALL ON WHICH SOME ONE HAS WRITTEN BORIS IS AN ARSE HOLE IN SPRAY PAINT. THERE IS A COMMUNITY SUPPORT OFFICER.
COMMUNITY
Look I don't care where you came from. Asylum seeker or not, Graffiti is a on the spot £50 fine.
ZARGON
I can have my Elite Legion of Death here in 5 of your Earth seconds. They will chop you into tiny pieces, and serve you up as steak tartare.
COMMUNITY REACHES FOR HIS WALKIE TALKIE
COMMUNITY
Yes can I have police support, I've got a citizen, who won't take an on the spot fine.
ZARGON
Ok no need for that, where's my wallet. Sorry about the wall, I was just so sorry about Ken getting voted out. He got us the Olympics you know.
COMMUNITY
Yeh and Bendy Buses were the only sensible solution to Tube overcrowding in the Rush Hour.
MINION
Yes but Boris as really funny on Have I got News for you.
ZARGON STRIKES MINION
ZARGON
Quiet you.