British Comedy Guide

8 Silent visual skits

1 A MAN GOES TO A FAIRGROUND SHOOTING BOOTH, HE PAYS HIS POUND AND PICKS UP AN AIR RIFLE.

THE MAN AT THE STAND TAKES THE AIR RIFLE, AND GIVES HIM A REAL RIFLE.

HE LOOKS TO EITHER SIDE AND SEE'S THERE ARE 7 OTHER PEOPLE SIMILARLY ARMED

HE LOOKS INFRONT OF HIM, THERE IS A PRISONER BLINDFOLDED, TIED TO A STAKE, AND SMOKING A FAG.

2 A MAN GOES TO AN FAIRGROUND BOOTH, HE PAYS HIS POUND AND PICKS UP AN AIR RIFLE

THE MAN AT THE STAND TAKES THE AIR RIFLE AND GIVES HIM A SHOULDER LAUNCHED ANTI AIRCRAFT MISSILE.

HE POINTS AT A PLANE IN THE SKY, HE AIMS

WE SEE THE MAN AT THE STAND IS BIN LADEN

3 A MAN GOES TO A FAIR GOUND BOOTH, HE PAYS HIS POUND AND PICKS UP AN AIR RIFLE

THE MAN AT THE STAND TAKES THE AIR RIFLE AND GIVES HIM A REVOLVER.

HE LEADS THE MAN BEHIND THE STAND. IT IS THE FAMOUS ROULETTE SCENE FROM THE DEER HUNTER, THERE IS ALREADY ONE OTHER MAN THERE WITH A REVOLVER.

HE HANDS HIM A RED HEAD BAND, AND A SINGLE BULLET.

4 THERE IS A SERVICE AT A CREMATORIUM, THE COFFIN IS WAITING TO GO IN THE OVEN. THERE IS A PHOTO OF A SMILING GENT WITH A LABRADOR ON THE COFFIN.

THE LABRADOR IS IN THE CONGREGATION LOOKING SAD.

THE VICAR SMILES AT THE LABRADOR, PRESS'S A BUTTON AND THE COFFIN DISAPPEARS INSIDE THE OVEN.

THE VICAR BOUNCES A TENNIS BALL INTO THE OVEN, THE LABRADOR JUMPS AFTER IT.

5 A CONGREGATION OF VERY FAT MOURNERS IN LEISURE WEAR, ARE EATING BIG CONES OF CHIPS. WE CAN SEE THERE IS A CREMATORIUM CONVEYOR BELT, WITH A PHOTO OF A MAN AND A LABRADOR ON IT.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL IT IS ACTUALLY A CHIPPY. THE VICAR PRESS'S A BUTTON AND A BATTER COVERED HUMAN BODY DROPS INTO A DEEP FAT FRYER

PULL BACK FURTHER TO REVEAL LABRADOR SPINNING ON A DONNER KEBAB, AS IF HUGGING IT.

THE VICAR PUTS ON A WHITE GREASY JACKET, AND PULLS OUT A DONNER KNIFE. THE CONGREGATION LICK THEIR LIPS AND RISE.

6 A MAN IS WANDERING A PARK IN A DIRTY BROWN COAT FLASHING WOMEN. THEY THROW THINGS AT HIM, HE LOOKS SAD.

AS THE ABUSE GETS WORSE, HE LOOKS MORE SAD AND LOST.

HE HIDES BEHIND A BUSH AND JUMPS OUT THERE IS A WOMAN WITH A DIRTY MAC. THEY FLASH EACH OTHER, LOOK EACH OTHER UP AND DOWN AND SMILE.

THEY DO THEIR COATS UP, AND WALK TO AN ICE CREAM VAN HAND IN HAND

7 THE TARDIS IS PARKED IN AN ORDINARY RESIDENTIAL STREET.

IT IS CLEARLY BIN DAY, EVERY HOUSE HAS MUCH GARBAGE PILED UP OUTSIDE HOUSES

A MAN WALKS AROUND PUTING SIGNS ON GARBAGE SAYING, "EXCESS GARBAGE FINE £250"
(COULD BE DONE WITH AN CARTOON?)

WE SEE HOUSE HOLDERS IN A LONG QUEUE, DUMPING THEIR GARBAGE IN THE TARDIS (IT IS A VERY LONG QUEUE).

8 THE DR COMES TO HIS TARDIS IT IS LOCKED, HE TRIES IT HE TRIES IT AGAIN.

A HAIRY GUY, WITH TATOOS, AND AN ENGLAND SHIRT COMES OUT. HE HAS A COPY OF THE SUN, AND IS DOING UP HIS TROUSERS.

THE DR GOES TO ENTER HIS TARDIS, BUT MAKES IT STINKS GESTURES.

I think you've got the basis for an original format. A comedy programme without words. Start working on a pilot and a proposal straight away before somebody nicks this very creative idea.

Oh it's be done, it's actually the most profitable format of comedy.

No language you can sell it all around the world, Mr Bean was the most successful version.

I think I was just proving to myself, I'm not just a topical comic.

But thanks for the big up.

Yes, of course it's been done but not, as far as I'm aware, in a sketch show format.

Hmm now there is a thought.....

I suppose it's pretty dark, but it's also nudity, and sex free.

I liked 1,4 and 8 very much.

Number 6 reminded me too much of the Gilliam animation with the flashers. The only difference being that rather than an ice cream stand they flapped their coats and flew to heaven.

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