British Comedy Guide

Soap Sketch

Another quick idea.

A CHILD AND HIS PARENT ARE TALKING.

Parent
I can't believe you said that in front of your Nan! I should wash yoUr mouth out with soap! (GRABS A BAR OF SOAP)

Child
No, Mum. I'm sorry.

Parent
(GOES TO PUT SOAP IN MOUTH) This will teach you.

(SHE IS INTERUPTED BY A MAN)

Man
What you doing?

Parent
I was just teaching my child that he can't swear when he wants to. It's called tough love. I am allowed to do that aren't I?!

Man
Yes, but I have a solution. (TURNS TO CAMERA) Sick of your unruly child constantly undermining you? Tired of using all that soap? Well here at 'soap solutions' we have a product that will end all that.

Parent
Really?

Man
Yes, for just a small fee of £84, you can purchase this, 'Bastard Bleach', the product that kills 99% of all bastardness! A dose of this and it will tell them little bastards not to utter even a 'f**k' or a 'shit.' This literally will save your life!

(HANDS OVER LIQUID TO PARENT AND CHILD, THEY SMILE AND THE WORDS 'BASTARD BLEACH' ARE SUNG AS THEY SMILE BACK AT SCREEN.

It's a very good idea, and it works well. But I'd make the sales man patter, shorter, and snappier.

Otherwise a nice simple idea.

Not bad although I preferred an email in this months Viz sent in by a certain Paul Carroll. Well done, if that was you.

Bah they never accepted my Piss-teen. The art of cleaning a loo with nothing but your widdle.

Share this page