A COFFIN IS BEING CARRIED DOWN THE ROAD BY PALL BEARERS IN FALL MOURNING DRESS, THEY ARE LEAD BY A CHIEF MOURNER.
VO
This is the funeral of Arthur Carnation. Arthur was the last of his kind in his community. His job was an unusual, some would say a pointless one, and others a rather offensive one. Arthur was a flasher.
THE FUNERAL PROCESSION PASSES A QUEUE OF OLD WOMEN WAITING FOR A BUS
THE FUNERAL PROCESSION, STOPS SETS COFFIN UPRIGHT AND OPENS THE DOOR AT THE OLD WOMEN. THE CHIEF MOURNER DOFFS HIS HAT.
THE WOMEN SCREAM ABUSE AT THEM, AND HURL ITEMS OF SHOPPING AT THEM.
VO
With the rise of the internet, the role of the flasher has rapidly disappeared.
Where once there was shock, anger, and even occasional violence. Now with most people having seen penises over 12 inches long on line, there is only laughter. Cruel, cruel laught.
THE FUNERAL PROCESSION APPROACHES A GROUP OF GAY MEN QUEUING OUTSIDE A DISCO
THEY FLASH THE COFFIN AS ABOVE.
THE GAY MEN HURL ABUSE, SEX AND THE CITY DVDS, APPLETINIS, CHOOSE YOUR CLICHE
VO
Arthur's life went rapidly down hill after he flashed the staff of his GUM clinic, on their fag break. They're well intentioned cries of "It doesn't have to be 3 inches, you can try surgery," Haunted him for the last week of his life.
In the end on a Cold January morning, he flashed the 7.37 Edinburgh Express Head on.
Local volunteers collected parts of him from miles around. And he was then stitched together by an enthusiastic local taxidermist. But as a mark of respect his own member was replaced, with that of an African Elephant.
THE FUNERAL PROCESSION JOINS A CROWD OF PEOPLE WITH UNION JACK FLAGS, AND HATS ETC LOOKING OUT TO A ROAD.
VO
It as taken months to arrange, this but Arthur is to get his final wish.
STOCK FOOTAGE OF THE QUEEN DRIVING BY AND WAVING.
THE COFFIN IS FLASHED AS ABOVE.
A CORGI IS THROWN AT IT.
VO
Next week James Pilchard, the last sender of faxes of his bum in Cumbria.
