Was not too sure about this one. Let me know what you think.
A MAN AND WOMAN ARE TALKING TO EACH OTHER, THEY ARE SAT AT A TABLE IN A RESTARUANT.
Man
I knew we would be bloody late. All that time it took you to get ready. What took you so long anyway?
Woman
Excuse me?
Man
I said, what took you so long?
Woman
Yes, I know what you said but….
Man
If you knew what I said then why not answer me properly instead of doing all this ‘excuse me?’ rubbish. God give me strength.
Woman
I know what you said but I was clearly being sarcastic. Surely, you can see what took me so long?
Man
Honestly? No, I can’t. I don’t see why women dress up, putting all that make up on, doing their nails. Now tell me what’s the point of all that. It’s just not practical. And anyway, all that make up makes you look like clowns. You walk into any town centre of a Saturday night, it looks like Moscow bleeding circus are in town.
Woman
What would you men know? The only time you get dressed up is for either weddings or bleeding funerals.
Man
(LAUGHS) Oh here goes, another argument, what you going to do, get in a mood and then leave me to sit here on my own. And I’m telling you one thing you can pay half the bill because I’m not. If you women can get the same amount of money at Wimbledon for playing less Tennis, the you can pay half the bleeding bill for a meal.
Woman
You sexist pig! I don't even like Tennis and that makes no sense anyway. Secondly, how dare you make the assumption that I wasn’t going to pay my way? I always pay my way.
Man
Pay your way? Don’t get me started. Who pays for your drinks? Me. Who buys your clothes? Me. Who buys your food? Me. Who…..
Woman
(CLEARLY ANGRY) Oh OK, if that’s how your playing it. Who has secretly been paying child support maintenance for the son that up until now you didn’t have a clue about?
Man
What? (STANDS UP)
Woman
(REALISES WHAT SHE HAS SAID) I think were ready to order now, don’t you?
Man
I have a son?
Woman
(LAUGHS) April fools!
Man
It’s October. Did you just say I have a son?
Woman
(LOOKS AT THE MENU) I think I’ll have today’s special. What do you want? I’ll pay. (AWKWARDLY SMILES AT HIM)
(MAN LOOKS STRAIGHT BACK AT HER, HE IS GOBSMACKED)
