INT. DAY. ROOM
A PRISON GOVERNOR IS SPEAKING TO A WARDER.
GOVERNOR: How are things on the wings warder?
WARDER: I’m not entirely sure sir, we’re only allowed in once a month.
GOVERNOR: Well, the men need their space, to rehabilitate of course.
WARDER: We did find three tunnels on our last visit.
GOVERNOR: Three, my God! I suppose they named them ‘Tom, Dick and Harry,’ ha, ha.
WARDER: No sir, ‘Cock, Dick and Penis’. Its used to bring the whores in.
GOVERNOR: The prisoners have needs too and I’m sure some of the more feeble men will be mightily relieved. What about overcrowding?
WARDER: All the shagging’s done in the marquee sir. Living quarters are whore free.
GOVERNOR: Of course. It must have been a mammoth task to construct these tunnels. How did they accomplish such a feat?
WARDER: They brought in building contractors sir.
GOVERNOR: Ingenious.
WARDER: And they used the excess rubble to construct a nightclub.
GOVERNOR: Marvellously resourceful. They’re a fine body of men, award them additional treats at once warder.
WARDER: Additional treats sir?
GOVERNOR: Yes, waiter service on the wings, a health spa and solarium. I’m sure they’ll appreciate some pampering.
WARDER: They’ve got those already, although in their last email correspondence they mentioned something about a casino.
SFX TANNOY
VOICE: Mr Big requests the presence of the Governor urgently, I repeat Mr Big requests the presence of the Governor urgently.
GOVERNOR: Ooh, must dash. You don't have a spare tuxedo?
