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PATRICIA HEWITT
More words of wisdom from Patricia Hewitt, who calls for a real increase in the price of alcopops in the next Budget to combat binge drinking in young teenagers.
Can she really be as stupid as her outbursts indicate?
The vast majority of children who enjoy a drink are responsible, so why penalise everyone for the few?
But then Labour have taxed everything over the last few years so much that it’s driven us all to drink . . .
Janis Winehouse, Hertfordshire
This kinda stuff......
Any further ideas.
Not what you were looking for, but nobody else seems to be contributing and i was bored.
My name is Dimitriov Yankowski, and i am new citizen here with question.
Since deporting to your country from Polmania, a small country on the outskirts on eastern europe where i lived with my Mother, Father, fourteen sisters, and small dog called potato, i have been working on farm labourer. Where i help with daily duties of pulling nipple on cow, and digging real potato from ground.
I must say, i find it fascinating that monetary unit of my country is so numerous in England that people choose to bury their fortunes beneath the soil, to be collected later from supermarket for small handling fee. This country truly is oppulence.
Anyway i digest. Back home in Polmania, a small country on the outskirts on eastern europe where i lived with my Mother, Father, fourteen sisters, and small dog called potato. I have girlfriend called Anna who has been dating me for three years since we meet together in local hospital. Where i was attempting to remove goat tooth from penis, and Anna was recovering from losing hand during tractor incident. Now Anna is very beautiful to me, and is very popular with men in village despite her disfigurement. As she has warm smile, good teeth, and resemble in many ways your very own princess of hearts Jade Goody . Which is why during last summer while walking by frozen river, i take Anna by good hand and place it gently on manhood, before asking her to become my engaged. Oh my days if my beloved didnt say yes and make me happiest man in whole village of Bratsivaliantiania.
Which is why i come to England. As I hope one day to earn enough monetary units to set up own potato shop, and keep Anna in lifestyle to which she has become accustom. As Anna`s very own father is very rich in Bratsivaliantiania with own field, and frequently let other men have sex with wife for potato.
Now my problem is this. On farm where i work is 18 year old farmers daughter with two good hands, who is also very beautiful to me. Although i have never properly conversationalised with this girl, i am certain she would like to undo my trousers, as her breasts are very heaving, with nipple like cow when she watch me work in field. But i know nothing will happen with girl as i love Anna with all my heart, and would never betray her for all potato in village of Tesco.
Yet last evening after falling asleep in barn. I dream about this girl and things we would do together if she was my beloved. I dream that i am laying naked displaying my proud man kingdom, when farmers daughter enter room and asks me to be her husband.
I know this is incorrect thing to let happen because of my feeling for Anna, but alas in my dream i am unable to forbid her. In my dream i then watch hopelessly as this temptress removes her clothings and begin to bathe me with wet sponge.
Oh my days if i then didnt suddenly wake up with feelings of strong arousal. And discover i am no longer alone in barn, as cow has entered from field and is enjoying licking my testicle.
As you imagined i am deeply shocked by this accident. As before leaving Bratsivaliantiania i promised my beloved Anna i would remain faithful when faced temptation from english girl with naked middle stomach, and heaving baby food outlets. I also promise her my love for animals would remain purely spiritual.
So what to do? Do i tell Anna of accident next time i speak to her in letter and hope she forgave me. Or keep quiet and hope that when she visits christmas time she will suspect i have done no wrongdoing?
I am in something of a quarry.
Dimitriov Yankowski
NO MORE HONEY
It’s ridiculous that Honey is to be axed from Eastenders just because they have come to the end of her storyline.
Now that I have found out Stacey smokes in real life, Billy’s pretty young wife is the only one left worth having a Jangle over.
Steve, Basildon
POSITION OF THE DATE ON YESTERDAY'S PAPER
I would like to protest strongly about the decision to move the date on yesterday's paper from the upper right hand corner to the upper left hand corner. It took my wife and I more than twenty four hours to find it in its new location and when we did it was wrong.
Nigel Scartlead, Altrincham.
Dear Sir,
I am writing to express my disappointment at your decision to reduce the amount of space you allocate to letters.
The letters page is a vital part of the paper. It allows people to comment on news stories, offer opinion and also to notify other readers about events that are upcoming.
The letters page is often the only reason I buy the paper. I was saying to my friend Hilda the other day how nice it is to have a page free of waffle, devoid of chitter and sans the superfluous. A page where every word is vital because it is only what really matters to people.
It is a real priviledge to get your letter published. It means it has been deemed worthy by the editor. It means that it really hits the mark, gets straight to the point and drives home an important message.
It is simply galling that instead of two full pages, we will now just get half a page for all our diverse views. How will everyone get a fair hearing? How can you cram in 10 letters in that space. I say, your sub editors will certainly have to be on their mettle. Oh yes, they'll have to wear out their delete key to eradicate verbosity.
I hope this letter finds you well, I remain an avid, if disgruntled (at least slightly) reader of the paper.
Yours sincer
I have never been able to understand all the fuss that is made over Ian Brady. Anyone would think he is a monster. As far as I am concerned he is the best midfielder Arsenal have ever had.
G.Jackson, London N5.
why is norman wisdom posting letters here? i'm a bit confused. why don't you post them on the website you just told us about?
RE Barb - increase the waffle and the flim-flam.
Because I was hoping for some humorous input from you guys to add to the site. Think Viz letters page. Thanks.
NEWSPAPER IS TOO BIG
Dear Sir, your recent increase in size from tabloid to broadsheet has led to the paper being bought up in the early hours by tramps, to use as bedding. Please return it to its former dimensions - or make it even smaller. Our preferred format would be microfilm, as both my wife wife and I sold secrets to the Russians during the war.
Albert Bridge, DSM, Oldham.
Dear Sir
Can dovetail joints talk? If they could, would they be able to tell whether a man was gay or straight? Strange questions you may think. Yet, last Saturday evening I was watching TV. I switched on to BBC 1. Match Of The Day had started and I heard John Motson say, 'Darren bent denied by the woodwork.'
yeah i get that but why are you putting your letters on this site and not your own site?