SCENE 32. DIAGNOSIS DEATH
DOCTOR:
I’m afraid its bad news Mr Firth. The surgery did not work and I don’t know quite how to tell you this but you are dead.
MR FIRTH:
Dead? But if I’m dead why am I still here talking to you?
DOCTOR:
That’s the good news; although you are clinically dead it does not appear to have had any adverse effects.
MR FIRTH:
But I’m dead
DOCTOR:
Yes
MR FIRTH:
And there is nothing you can do to make me better
DOCTOR:
Well no, you are only the second person in history who has had this condition.
MR FIRTH:
Second?
DOCTOR:
Yes the first recorded case was a man, of similar age called Jesus. You may have heard of him. Can I ask have you talked to God recently?
MR FIRTH:
Well when I was told I had cancer, I prayed a lot
DOCTOR:
But you haven’t talked to God on a personal basis?
MR FIRTH:
No
DOCTOR:
Well that rules out Second Coming Syndrome. Erm I suspect you want to tell your wife you are dead.
MR FIRTH:Not particularly, I’d rather you tell me how I can be treated now I’m dead.
DOCTOR:
Paraldehyde usually works. Sorry that was a bad joke. I’m afraid Mr Firth we really can’t do anything for you.
MR FIRTH:
Nothing at all
DOCTOR:
Well you could take some paracetamol.