Int. Private Hospital Room
Two doctors enter. A heart monitor can be heard.
Doctor 1: What's the patients status?
Doctor 2: He's critical.
Camera shot shows a patient in bed.
Patient: Call yourself doctors? Ha! You're full of shit!
ENDS
Hospital Quickie
You know what this needs? A pull back to reveal he's in heaven.
Telegraphed but I liked that a lot. The heaven idea is neat too. 
Neat idea. Loads of scope for different endings and for what its worth mine is:
Doc 2: He's ill.
Camera shows hip hop dude in bed.
Patient: Off da hook.
Give me a tin of corn
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Doctor 1: What's the patients status?
Doctor 2: He's not got much time left.
Camera shot shows a human sized egg timer in the bed
ENDS
I like it as it is, patient in rude heath and quacks have got it wrong again.
Ah, whoops, just realised the joke is that the patient is being critical. Even better, 2 jokes in 1.
Quote: Bad dog @ April 24 2008, 4:50 PM BSTAh, whoops, just realised the joke is that the patient is being critical. Even better, 2 jokes in 1.
Oh, I didn't get that! No need for my suggestion then.