Long Time No Sea Sketch

This was a little experiment. It's a bit twee and perhaps been done before.

Int. Supermarket

Sarah is looking at the cereals. Lucy approaches her.

Lucy: Sarah Macintosh?

Sarah: Lucy Baker?!

Lucy: I haven't seen you since school!

Sarah: I know! It's been so long!

Lucy: How are you getting on?

Sarah holds out her hand to show a ring.

Sarah: Engaged!

Lucy: You lucky cow!

Sarah: How 'bout you?

Lucy: Still single!

Sarah: You'll find the right man soon!

Lucy: I hope so! Here, d'you know who I just saw?!

Sarah: Who?

Lucy: Tim Tim Not So Slim!

Sarah: Tim Tim Not So Slim?

Lucy: Yeah! That chubby guy you used to sit next to in Maths, remember?

Sarah: Lucy, I don't think-

Lucy: You must remember him! The boys used to call him Tim Tim Don't Like Quim!

Sarah: Lucy, I-

Lucy: God, he was such a loser! He still is by the looks of it! No dress sense!

Sarah: Well I better be going now, so-

Lucy: Come back here you! I wanna hear more about this man of yours!

Sarah: Well... his names Tim.

Lucy: (LAUGHS) What a coincidence.

Sarah: Uh...

Lucy: Oh God! Here he comes! Tim Tim Get To The Gym! (LAUGHS)

Tim walks into shot, he is an overweight man. He puts his arm round Sarah and kisses her cheek. Lucy looks embarrased.

Tim: Hello Darling

Lucy: So, uh, when's the wedding?

Sarah: July.

Lucy: Can I... come?

Sarah: No.

ENDS

And I think the ending is a bit obvious.

Yea I like the beginning, perhaps if you just kept it going and lucy keeps splirting out really bad stuff about Tim, getting worse and worse till he finishes up maybe gay or something and loves to wear ladies underwear? Then you could have lucy leave with sarah blubbin and Tim comes up adjusting himself maybe? Oh I dunno, but it starts out really well I like where its going.

Two issues for me.....for people that havent seen each other in 10 years is "you lucky cow" and "you'll find someone" not overly familiar dialogue? and (as above) theres not enough build up of Tim. Even then its just a rather simple twist.

Maybe have Tim made out to be so horrendous that the engaged woman starts to agree...so when Tim shows up she says "engagements off" and storms away.

I like that idea, M Lewis.

I can see Sarah saying things like "Yeah, he was always was a little tubby wasn't he" etc.

I'll get on with a re-edit.

Essentially the same gag was used in Four weddings.

HUGH: How is that girlfriend of yours, Sarah?

MAN: She's no longer my girlfriend

HUGH: Oh well, I shouldn't worry. Rumour has it that she was shagging (A.N.Other) anyway.

MAN: She's now my wife.

When you say done before winterlight... for me it reminded me a bit too much of the scene from 4 Weddings and a funeral. Maybe a twist at the end.. so it isn't that Tim would confound that expectation and play a trick on the audience??

A bit naff if I'm honest. With M Lewis' suggestion you'll have yourself an OK sketch. Nothing mindblowing though. It all just feels a bit tried and tested.

I was bored so.... (hope you dont mind - say if you do, i'll delete it!)

Int. Supermarket

Sarah is looking at the cereals. Lucy approaches her.

Lucy: Sarah?

Sarah: Lucy?!

Lucy: Wow, how many years!

Sarah: Too many!

Lucy: How are you getting on?

Sarah holds out her hand to show a ring.

Sarah: Engaged!

Lucy: (ADMIRES RING) Very nice, when’s the big day.

Sarah: June. You’ll have to give me your number I’ll send you an invite.

Lucy: That would be great, here, d'you know who I just saw?!

Sarah: Who?

Lucy: Tim Jones. You know what they called him? Tim Tim Not So Slim!

Sarah: Tim Tim Not So Slim?

Lucy: Yeah! Fat guy. Sat next to you in Maths, remember?

Sarah: Bit chubby wasn’t he?

Lucy: No, he was gross. You must remember.

Sarah: I suppose he was quite heavy.

Lucy: Come on. He was vile. I don’t know how you can get like that. He’s even worse now.

Sarah: I guess some people just find it hard to…

Lucy: I don’t buy that. No self control. Its disgusting.

Sarah: You have a point I guess.

TIM APPEARS AT THE END OF THE ISLE (SP?)

Lucy: Oh God, there he is. Jesus, imagine that naked. Feel ill just talking about it.

Sarah: He is a bit heavy isn’t he.

Lucy: A bit? It’s disgusting.

Sarah: You’d think he’d work out or something.

Lucy: Oh that’s nasty. He looks pregnant.

Sarah: He does doesn’t he. What a slob.

Lucy: Oh God! Here he comes! Tim Tim Get To The Gym! (LAUGHS)

Tim walks over and puts his arm round Sarah and kisses her cheek. Lucy looks shocked.

Tim: Hello Darling

Sarah: Get off you lump. You turn my stomach. (TAKES OFF HER RING AND GIVES IT TO HIM) Forget that as well.

SHE STORMS OFF

Lucy: (CALLING AFTER) Am I still getting that invite?

LUCY AND TIM ALONE IN THE STORE

Lucy: Tim isn’t it?

TIM JUST LOOKS SHOCKED

Lucy: That Sarah hey (BEAT) You know what they called her at school?

ENDS

Ah yeah, that '4 Weddings' joke is similar. And much more concise.

As Marc P says, it could work with a twist. Some sort of reversal of fortunes. Otherwise it comes across nasty.

M Lewis, your reinterpretation was better than my re-edit (which I won't bother posting now), but I felt it was a little overlong.