Mortgages

( MR AND MRS JAMES ENTER THE BANK MANAGERS OFFICE )

MR JAMES.
Hi, Mr and Mrs James, we’re here about the mortgage.

BANK MANAGER.
Oh yes we spoke on the phone, come in, come in.

( THEY SIT DOWN )

BANK MANAGER.
Now I have had a look at the figures, and with a 10% deposit your monthly repayments will be, ( BANGS AWAY AT HIS COMPUTER ) £660 exactly.

MR JAMES.
£660? I think we can just about manage that can’t we?

( MRS JAMES NODS )

MR JAMES.
Ok, it will be a stretch but I think we’ll take it.

BANK MANAGER.
Excellent ( SLIDES ACROSS A FORM AND POINTS WITH HIS FINGER ) if you would just like to sign here and here.

( THEY SIGN )

BANK MANAGER.
And the house is yours. Congratulations.

( THEY ALL SHAKE HANDS )

MR JAMES.
So, when is the first payment of £660 due.

BANK MANAGER.
You mean £740. I’m afraid that while you were signing interest rates have risen and so have your monthly repayments.

MR JAMES.
£740? But we can’t afford that!

BANK MANAGER.
Actually,

( BANGS AWAY AT HIS COMPUTER )

BANK MANAGER.
Make that £810.

MR JAMES.
We can’t afford that either.

BANK MANAGER.
Well in that case we’re going to have to repossess the property ( REACHES OVER AND RETRIEVES THE FORM ) and with the negative equity that has been accrued while you have been sitting here, you now owe the bank ( BANGS AWAY AT HIS COMPUTER ) exactly £14.000.

MR JAMES AND MRS JAMES LOOK AT EACH OTHER.

MR JAMES.
Do you do unsecured loans?

BANK MANAGER
( SMILING AS HE SLIDES ACROSS A FORM ) If you would just like to sign here.

Er, I didn't see the joke and I understand where the punchline is going, I found it very weak.

And I think you need to edit tyhe beginning or it won't make sense.

It's a very good idea, but pacing is a bit off, and a little to much explanation. Could offer some suggestions by PM or post them up here if you like.

It's a skit that needs more mad energy.

Feel free, sootyj. Either method will do.

He's about to hand the paper over, and each time yanks it back, he tells them they've lost the house, gone bankrupt. End with him pulling down his pants, and saying and your wife agreed to blow me if I let you have that last loan.

Quote: steven @ April 22 2008, 6:46 PM BST

MR JAMES.
So, when is the first payment of £560 due.

View original

You've put £560 here, but £660 at the start. I think it's a typo above as you haven't started the price fluctuation gag yet.

The whole sketch in general was a bit tame in my opinion. I think you need more conflict in it.

Yeah the figures went a bit haywire there. I was obviously thinking about my own mortgage.

I can only dream of a mortgage.

YOu need to wait 6 months to see if its even topical.

Right now rates are falling and will fall further and house prices are not doing anything to drastic either.

Quote: M Lewis @ April 22 2008, 11:46 PM BST

YOu need to wait 6 months to see if its even topical.

Right now rates are falling and will fall further and house prices are not doing anything to drastic either.

View original

that's a good point.

I really thought it worked though. you can spot the people who haven't got mortgages can't you.