Reflective policing.

MAN AT POLICE STATION

Excuse me I'd like to report my car stolen.

POLICE

What make was it?

MAN

A BMW M3

POLICE

They're well wicked, bet some Bloods doing some wicked turns it, geezer.

MAN

I beg your pardon, what kind of a police officer are you?

POLICE

Don't be getting vixed, yah rasta clart, I'm one of the new reflective police officers. Gordy Brown wants all police officers to reflect their local community innit.

MAN

Could I talk to a different police officer please.

POLICE

Are you dissin me, yah batty man, eh Erol he's dissin me.

MAN

Are maybe you could help.

POLICE2

Spare some change yah f**king c**t, I was in the Falklands I'll cut you.

POLICE3

Right you lot shut up, and go do some very important paper work. I am so sorry it's this reflective policing, but as this is Archway we will end up with rather a lot of chav, and alcoholic police officers. Now I believe I may have a picture of the culprit who stole your car.

MAN

Finally a proper police officer, let's have a look.....hang on these are all photographs of you masturbating in public toilets.

POLICE3

Chavs, alcoholics, and serious sex offenders. You like them, don't you bitch.

Silly me, I thought this was about cops in high-visibility gear. I quite liked this out of your latest batch though

Crumbs did the rest stink? I just sent guns guns guns to Tilt.

This was my fave but I'm not really into the topical stuff.

To be honest I thought they were all more NR than Tilt. This was my favourite of the batch too. Thought it was well-observed but would have liked to have seen some more gags. But who knows?
I'll post a few of my Tilt contributions up and watch them die a slow death on the board.

Hi Sooty here I am as promised.

I too liked this one out of your most recent batch and any sketch with "Clart" in it is OK by me.

This is genius.

As curt in praise as in disagreement, have to say i agree with you on both fronts

One of mine in News Revue/

sooty,

I'm still very hit and (mainly) miss with your pieces but I find this is actually quite amusing.

It's well written, flowing nicely and is quite punchy without being OTT.

Well done!

ok I know this is a bump, but is this too rude to repurpose as a sketch on police cuts for newsjack?

would of course drop all the wanking and the swearing

(open goal for Mr Cam there)

I really like this Soots, but I think it hinges on the reflective policing idea, which I don't think has been mentioned recently and think it would be difficult to update it to fit current Tory policies. I was just doing the same thing and looking over old vox pop submissions, and found almost all were very specific to that week.

I updated it to be about volunteer policing on account of police cuts

how you doing anyhow?

Good luck with it anyway. It's a good idea, so no real reason why it shouldn't work now, I guess.

Personally I've barely written anything for about 6 months, but am just gearing myself up for another 6 weeks grind of Newsjack.